No More Thinking Corner

I felt unrest last week when I used the thinking corner to discipline Jeshua.

I put him there because he refused to finish his meal. But the moment he sat at the thinking corner, he said, "Papa, I want to eat."

Well, he has learnt to behave well in order to quickly get out of the thinking corner.

This, to me, is not ideal. Because the thinking corner has become a punishment corner to Jeshua. Thus, the moment he is placed there, he will cry. At the same time, he will quickly obey in order to get out.

Outward obedience may seem good. Yet it is not the main thing. The main thing is the heart - inward attitude.

I want him to respond and act because of his inward attitude. A conformed behaviour is useless.

As I spent time praying, God showed me what to do in replacement of the thinking corner.

I have tried it for three times - carrying him to a corner (not the thinking corner) and speak with him. Praise Jesus! It has been successful!

Spare The Rod

Last week, I used the spatula to discipline Jeshua. 

I didn't have peace within me all these while whenever I used the spatula. Last week, it was the final straw.

I felt unrest. The reason is that "spanking" or using the rod to inflict pain for wrong behaviour is inconsistent with the nature of God our Father.

I decided to seek the Lord in prayer. God prompted me to study on Proverbs where most Christian parents draw the spanking principle from. They quote from Proverbs 13:24 - "Spare the rod and spoil the child." If you don't spank/cane your child, he will be spoilt.

That's what most parents and Christian parents would say.

However, God the Father does not inflict pain for our wrong behaviours. He always corrects with His words (in love and gentleness). John 15:3; 2 Timothy 3:16-17.

Having this tension in my heart, I decided to study deeper about the passage in Proverbs, since God told me to do so. I discovered two things.

1) Proverbs was written under the Law. We are in the New Covenant. We are no longer under the Law. Thus, we should live and parent our child under the New Covenant.

2) Even if people argue that Proverbs should still have timeless truths which we can apply (and I agree to a certain extent), we have to understand what the Hebrews understood about the word "rod". In the Hebrew mind, the rod is "shebet" - that used by a shepherd to lead and guide his sheep. A shepherd doesn't use his rod to beat his sheep. He uses it to lead and guide them. The clearest representation can be found in Psalm 23. "Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me."

This rod, in the mind of the Hebrews, is a sign of authority. Try replacing the word "rod" with "authority" and it will make sense.

"Spare the rod and spoil the child."

"Spare using authority and spoil the child."

When a child doesn't learn to respect authority, he will be in trouble. We have to train them to understand that by discipling them.

When God disciplines, He doesn't inflict pain or beat us. He disciplines by His word. If I want to represent the Father, I have to be consistent in the way I do parenting. I have to represent the Father to Jeshua.

If I use the spatula to discipline Jeshua into obedience, he will grow up thinking that God inflicts pain on him for his wrong behaviours.

This is a tough revelation. It is so easy to spank Jeshua unto obedience. It can just take me a minute to spank and create the result I want to see in him. However, he will only learn outward obedience and not grow in an attitude of trust towards me. He will fear me instead of respecting me.

I want him to trust me and respect me, because he will, in turn, trust and respect God instead of fearing Him (unhealthy way).

Last night, it took me one hour to discipline Jeshua without using the spatula. Yes, it takes patience and time to slowly discipline. If I use the spatula, it will just take one minute. But I have decided and I am determined to stop using spatula or any other form of punishment that inflicts pain on him. This makes parenting a much tougher job but I am willing as long as I represent the Father to him.

Now I have to learn alternative ways of parenting and seek the Lord for wisdom and ways to father Jeshua. Teach me, Lord.