Heavenly Fathering Transforms Earthly Fathering
More than two and a half years ago, I used a spatula to discipline my son (Well, my parents used to cane me). There was no peace on the inside of me. As I sought the Lord, He spoke stuff to me that completely changed the course of fathering my son.
He said to me, "How you see Me fathering you should be how you father your son."
From that moment onwards, I stopped every form of punishment. I changed the way I do fathering, aligning my words and actions (as much as possible) to what the heavenly Father would say and do to me. I'm still not perfect. It's a journey of growth.
One year ago, I asked Him, "Why do some believers not father their children according to Your pattern?" I felt Him saying, "Because they did not follow through with the kingdom principles in parenting. Instead, they apply what their parents did."
A common example can be found in hearing some Christian parents say, "Good boy" when the child does something good, or when the child obeys. Does that mean that when the child doesn't obey, he is not a good boy? That affects the identity of the child. He'll be confused.
If we don't intentionally and purposefully father our children according to how we see God fathering us, we will naturally and surely father our children according to how our earthly parents fathered us. This is not easy, because we are so accustomed to our personal experiences and upbringing that we would just keep repeating the habits of parenting without questioning about it. Our parents didn't know it better. My parents were not Christians. Now that we know, we need to grow.
One of the things that God spoke to me is very clear: Identity.
I must build my son's identity. That's the priority.
God sees me the way He sees Christ. I am a brand new creation. The old has gone and the new has come. I am not defined by my behaviours, actions and performance. I am defined by His love for me.
Therefore, this must translate into my relationship with my son. I see my son in his true identity. He is defined by the Father's love. My son's behaviours, actions and performance do not define who he is. He is my precious gem. He knows it so well that he often says to me, "J is Papa and Mama's precious."
As I'm learning to father him in his identity, I have learnt new things by seeking the perfect Father in heaven. One of the recent things He revealed to me is this - "Use 'that' for J's positive/negative behaviours and actions. And use 'you' for affirming his identity."
It goes like this:
"J, YOU are a cooperative boy." (Identity). But THAT was not very cooperative. (Behaviour)
"J, YOU are such a gentle and polite boy." But THAT was rude.
"J, YOU are an intelligent boy. THAT was brilliant."
It's calling out his true identity, while pointing out the positive/negative behaviour. Sometimes, I would say, "That was rude. It is not like you, J. Because You are a polite boy. So can you be polite and ask properly?"
I realised that this is much tougher. One stroke of cane can easily do the job. But well, just take a look at our Father in heaven. He could have smacked us. But He chose not. He simply keeps repeating Himself through the Holy Spirit when we do something that contradicts our true identity. He is long-suffering. And if we are called to represent Him, it gives us no excuse to do otherwise.
It is a challenging journey. But I'm beginning to see fruit... J has learnt to apologise by himself after self-realisation. #breakthrough #fathering101
