Transformative Fathering Part 2
The simplicity of fathering is to see a child knowing that he is loved regardless of his performance and behaviour.
Yet in a culture like SG where performance is celebrated and behaviour is tolerated, many parents (including Christian parents) are pressured to pressure their kids - extracurricular (academic) activities begin as young as 1 year old. By the age of 5, the child has probably taken extra (paid) classes for Mandarin, English, Mathematics, and a whole list more, on top of what he’s already learning in Kindergarten.
What kind of values are we building into our child?
The Bible says in Romans 12:2, “Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world...” This encompasses parenting, which I shared in Part 1.
Many parents rush to be parent-volunteers in good schools when the child is 5 years old, hoping to get a place in the school when the child reaches Primary One. Some others rely on ‘networking relationships’ to get their child into the school that they want.
When J was 5, my wife initially said, “We still have membership with this (so-and-so) church. Shall we ask the pastor to help us write a letter to enrol in this (so-and-so) school?”
I prayed about it and told her, “No. We shouldn’t. Let’s not rely on this kind of thing. Let’s not be another ‘kiasu’ (afraid to lose) Christian parent. We need to trust God for J.” My wife actually agreed. What’s ironic is that she’s actually a MOE teacher who has many years of experience in missions school and she had initially desired to place J in a missions school. Thank God for her submission!
So we missed the parent-volunteer thingy. We gave up abusing, I mean... using the ‘networking’ privilege.
Neither did we put J in ‘this academic class and that academic class’ on top of his pre-school class. We are probably one of the most chilled parents in SG 🤣
I feel for him when he has homework from his pre-school at the age of 5 and 6. I put myself in his shoes and wonder how I would feel if my parents push me to take up classes at the age of 5. Don’t take a child’s answer ‘I like it’ literally. They do not know what is good for them. As parents, you know what is really good and healthy.
If we don’t manage our expectations and stay free from the conformity of our culture, the one who really suffers will be our child. The impact may not be obvious in near future, but it will surface down the road.
Academic results may be the most important thing in our culture but it may be one of the least in the kingdom. I’m not advocating laziness. If we can impart confidence, security, love and every other virtue that is intrinsic, the rest will be taken care of. If we focus on what is extrinsic, the day will come when the outcome will speak for itself. A lot of youth and young adult issues are directly linked to childhood experiences.
Are we raising a champion scholar in the society or a champion warrior in the Kingdom of God? What we focus on is the proof of what we are seeking.
J, at the age of 6, is still hugging my wife and I to sleep. We intend to let him do so, as long as he wants to. Some say that you should cut it off quickly or let him be independent. But I think that such intimacy is more important than independence, because it gives him a glimpse of how he can grow in intimacy with the Father in heaven. When he understands what it means to depend on Him, I’m ready to release him completely.
As believers, it’s time we re-think and re-model parenting, not to the world’s pattern but heaven’s pattern.
P.S: We are really trusting God for J’s education next year. I reckon that if we trust God in one area, we need to apply that in parenting and every other thing too. We cannot compartmentalize Christianity. So pray with us and for us, that we will walk in His wisdom to lead and guide J. #fathering101 #transformativefathering
