Transformative Fathering

When I asked the Father how I should father my son as he is growing day by day, He surprised me with Romans 12:2.

"Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world..." It is so rich and so full. 

Do not be conformed even to the pressure and the expectation of this world. 

Do not be conformed to how a 5 (turning 6) years old should act. 

Do not be conformed to my expectations of him. 

Do not be conformed to what the school or teachers require of him.

There is a whole list of 'do not be conformed...'

The child should be given the freedom (within healthy boundaries) and opportunities to explore the world, with complete acceptance and love from the father.

'Train the child the way he should go...' is not about training him according to what you think is correct and wise. It's about training him to know The Way so that The Way will guide him to know the way he should go. (punk intended)

I think society pressure and books on parenting have misrepresented how the Father sees our child. If parenting books work, you don't need the Bible. If other parents' advice work, you don't need Jesus. 

Disclaimer: I'm not saying these are useless. But your child is fearfully, wonderfully and (uniquely) made. And since God has no grandchild, only He can father our child.

Some believe that you must train your child to be diaper-free by certain age. What IF every child grows differently in different areas? What IF your child will mature and outgrow his need for diaper? What IF forcing (aka 'training') your child to be diaper-free indirectly imparts insecurity and a lack of confidence, because you force him to do what he is not ready, and as a result, he fails many times by wetting the bed? I believe that we don't have to conform to the patterns of this world.

J was breastfed from newborn to the age of 4. All thanks to my amazing wife who perseveres powerfully. Many can't handle that. As a result, J continued to latch until the age of 5. At the age of 4, we began to prepare him by communicating to him. It took one year of preparation to speak to him regularly. When he reached 5, he stopped latching altogether. He cried once. And that was it. There was no withdrawal symptom. We have heard of so many stories of how a child suffered due to (forced) weaning.

Some think that it is ridiculous for a male child to latch until he is 5, because he is a boy. That's human wisdom. What IF the child is so secured in his Mummy's love (bosom) that when he grows up, he is not even tempted by lust, because his foundation is already laid?

I challenge all of us (including me) as believers today, not to be conformed any longer to the patterns of this world ---- and don't just think of reaching the world in evangelism... it applies to parenting too. You cannot compartmentalise Christianity. It either applies to ALL AREAS or NONE.

In 2019, there are a number of things I desire to see growth in... and one of them is fathering. A transformative kind. #fathering101