Transformative Fathering Part 4

God has no grandchildren.

Last night, J didn’t respond despite me calling him a number of times. He was doing his own stuff. If he can’t respond to the voice of his father whom he can see, how would he grow to respond to the voice of the Heavenly Father whom he cannot see? This is serious and hence, I had to discipline him.

I asked him to sit at the reflection corner. At first, he was very reluctant. But I stood firm and said, “Stay there and start speaking in tongues to talk to Jesus.” I sat near him as he did it.

Then I said, “What did Jesus tell you?”

He responded, “Jesus said that I need to listen to Papa and respond.”

I said, “That’s correct.”

But I needed him to encounter His Presence instead of giving me a ‘correct answer’. I’m not interested in what is going on in his mind. I need to see what is going on in his heart and let the Father father his heart.

So I took him on a short journey to encounter the Father, for He is able to discipline my son.

Papa: J, close your eyes now.

J closed his eyes.

Papa: Imagine little pony (his present favourite show) is here. It’s white and pink. Can see you the little pony?

J: Yes!

Papa: Now Jesus is standing beside little pony. He’s wearing white. Can you see Him?

J: Yes. And blue eyes.

Papa: Now Jesus is smiling at you and walking towards you with the little pony. He is stretching out His hands to you. What do you see in His hand?

J: I saw a white thingy with pink jelly. It’s a kind of dessert that we ate before. But I don’t like it.

Papa: Now, open your eyes. J, Jesus is telling you something... sometimes, what Papa and Mama say to you may not be what you like, and you may choose to ignore or don’t want to listen, but what you don’t like now is actually good (sweet) for you.... like Jesus giving you dessert but you don’t like that kind at the moment.

J: Nodded his head and said, “It’s good for me.”

This may be unconventional fathering but I believe that the perfect Father longs to father our child more than us. Jesus! #fathering101

Stewarding The Gift of Learning

His regular routine... NLB. Stewarding the gift of learning.

A baby is born with the gift of learning. It is not taught to learn. It is gifted to learn.

We don’t need to teach children to learn. They naturally want to. That’s how God has designed. On the contrary, if a child doesn’t want to learn, it’s because we ‘teach’ and model to him/her NOT to learn. #fathering101

Partnership & Relationship

Partnership & Relationship

It’s time to get him involved in washing and cleaning the external and internal of the family car. Papa has been doing it weekly and monthly respectively. Now he understands the work that is required and takes responsibility and ownership in it. (And hopefully stops dropping all the crumbs and bits & pieces of snacks in the car.) 

With his help, it took MUCH longer to finish the regular job. It would be so much easier for me to do it on my own. But the process is more important than the outcome. This is why discipleship is a process and it takes you out of your comfort zone. It is easy to preach the Gospel and do signs and wonders, but when it comes to discipleship, we usually run away quickly and say, “Oh this is not my thing.” 

The key focus for J’s involvement is on relationship and partnership with his Papa. Isn’t this the same as the Perfect Father in heaven and us? For God to do something, it’s easy, Godspeed and effortless. He doesn’t need us. Yet He chose us as imperfect vessels to do His work, even though the whole process becomes way slower and the outcome may not be perfect. Papa God involves us because He desires partnership and relationship. What a privilege we have!

J was exhilarated. He couldn’t wait to be involved in this. He found it a privilege and joy to do it.

Check out his proud look at the finished product - clean on the inside and shiny on the outside. Yay Jesus! #responsibility #fathering101 #fromboytoman

Transformative Fathering Part 3

It’s another F&S Day. But it’s one that caused me to reflect way deeper.

Close to 4 years ago, I left full-time church ministry when God spoke deeply into my heart, “Your highest call is to be a father.” I never look back since then. Papa God said, “Lay it down and focus on fathering J in his foundation years.” He was 2 years old. Now he just turns 6.

Working with youths & young adults in the past made me realise the importance of fathering. They don’t need your presents. They need your presence. They need to learn intimacy, identity and authority from us so that we can impart the heart of the Father to their hearts.

2019 is an important year where I felt the Lord speaking to me to focus on preparing J for next year where there will be a huge culture shift for him. He will either enter P1 or skip the MOE system altogether. 

I also felt that it is the time for fathers to rise up and take responsibility for their children —- holistically, and that includes education. It’s time to stop leaving education entirely to mothers and think that it should be the role of the mother, when it is also the role of the father.

Prov 22:6 - Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.

Prov 3:21 - My son, do not lose sight of these— keep sound wisdom and discretion...

These are the words of King Solomon, the wisest king in the Old Covenant. Bear in mind that the one who fathered him was King David. In the Jewish tradition, it was the fathers who were responsible to teach their children. 

In the modern world which we live in, we relegated this to women and focus on our career and external achievements. Achievements will pass away but what is build for eternity will leave a legacy. If we as fathers are heroes to the world but zero to our child, we are STILL a zero. Fathers who pursue achievements and get satisfaction from that usually point to the lack of identity and security in who they are. The Father in heaven has already approved you before you try to prove yourself or get approval from men. Identity comes from knowing that you are a son to begin with. If you don’t know how to rest as a son, you won’t know how to father. Because fathering comes from identity.

Ministry is not just what you do outside. It is also what you do inside —— your own children. In fact, the main criteria for leadership is that your own child honours you.

In the past few years, J had been grounded on identity. He’s now secure in knowing that he is loved. The foundation years seemed to be coming to a close.

This year will encompass a different direction. l’m gonna take him to various adventures, and to see a world that is beyond himself. I have in my mind what to expose him to, because he is ready. He’s not going to be a strawberry generation or a fatherless generation. He’s going to be a bold, courageous and compassionate man as I intentionally prepare him this year to be awakened to the reality of the kingdom.

Fathers, you and I can make a difference. Let’s RISE up and FATHER our children. #fathering101 #transformativefathering