Balloon

After two months of labouring every night, I finally had time for family. We had a great family time today.

As we were at Plaza Sing, Jeshua saw balloons at the atrium where Challenger was having an exhibition. The balloons were part of their decorative items.

We went to ask the salesperson if we could take one. Jeshua chose the blue one. He was overjoyed.

Later, he felt asleep on my shoulder as I was carrying him. Little did I realise that he dropped his balloon as he went into a deep sleep.

When I came to the realisation, it was too late. We were already at Orchard and I didn't know where he lost it.

An hour later, he woke up from his nap. The first thing he asked for was the balloon. I promised him that when we are back at Dhoby Ghaut to take North-East line, I would go to Plaza Sing to get a balloon for him.

Took one orange balloon and hurried to find Jeshua and wifey, with excitement. I was imagining how delighted Jeshua would be when I show him the balloon.

From a distance away, he saw me with the orange balloon. He was unhappy. Feeling sulky, he kept saying, "I don't want orange. I don't want orange..."

At this point, I had to teach him about being grateful. I decided not go back to take a blue balloon, though that would solve the whole issue.

Sometimes, God answers our prayers but in a different way from what we are expecting. Instead of being thankful, we grumble that God is not answering us specifically, when He actually did. Just because the balloon is not blue doesn't mean that it is not a balloon.

I told him that he could choose, either to take it or leave it. In the end, he chose to take :)

More Lord More!

My wife felt some pain at her right wrist.

I laid my hand on her right wrist and prayed for her.

To my surprise, my son laid his hand on her left wrist and did the same thing.

I commanded, "In Jesus' name..."

My son commanded, "In Jesus' name..."

I said, "More, Lord. More, Lord!"

He said, "More, Lord. More, Lord!"

There was an inexplicable burst of joy in my heart.

I am looking forward to bringing him to the streets where a 3 year old child (he is now 2 years and 4 months) starts praying for the sick and seeing healing everywhere. He has to encounter God at the earliest age possible... and consistently.

Precious... Precious...

Jeshua was suddenly down with high fever yesterday. There was no other symptom. But he was totally fine this morning.

In the evening, his fever came back. About twenty minutes past midnight, he went into a seizure as his temperature reached 40.6 degrees Celsius. This was his second time having a fit. Last year, it happened and he was hospitalised for three days.

After praying and doing the necessary procedures, he was still unconscious for quite a while. Thus, we called a cab and rushed to KK hospital. He was unconscious for close to thirty minutes. Throughout the journey, we kept praying for him. I told my wife that we got to pray from the position of rest - Jesus already completed His work on the Cross. We just needed to rest from that place of victory and declared to Jeshua's body.

As we got out of the cab, he finally regained his consciousness. It was a moment of relief. Thank God for protection!

He is such a precious boy. He has unusual and extraordinary favour of God upon his life. He will be a mighty warrior of God. Nothing shall by any means harm him. God has marked out his life for His kingdom.

I'm glad that I have made the decision to follow what God is saying and focus on fathering him in his foundation years.

Helping God?

My son tried to help me push the stroller even though I was doing it effortlessly.

Without his help, the process would be much faster. By allowing him to partner with me, the journey became slower. Nevertheless, our communication enhanced during that moment of partnership.

More often than not, God allows us to partner with Him for the work of the kingdom. He doesn't have to. But He chooses to. We are not helping Him to make the process faster. But the King of the Universe chose to give His complete attention on an individual, celebrating the partnership and effort of that individual so that the whole focus is placed on building a loving relationship with each other, rather than the work itself.

We can see this in the example of Uzzah and David in 2 Samuel 6. In trying to hasten the process of getting a task done, Uzzah died as a result. David learnt a tough lesson on this. Eventually, he cultivated a process of completing the task with the main focus on relationship with God through worship. He sacrificed an ox for every six steps he took. That was radical and slow. But I'm pretty sure that God was pleased with the act.

Partnership is always God's intention and desire, because the essence of partnership is relationship.

Exhilaration

Carol bought Jeshua a new pair of shoes as his feet have outgrown his old pair again.

Today, when I brought him to his nanny, he was exhilarated. He kept walking with great joy.

As we reached his nanny's place, he asked her hubby, "Nice shoes?"

I am excited when he is excited! When he enjoys the gift, the giver is delighted. This is what God the Father feels. Awesome!

Lovely!

My son came to my room. He opened the door, smiled and passed me a piece of rock melon.

He said, "Papa, eat."

This is so rewarding!

What I give to my son is a gift. What he responds towards me is a bonus!

God the Father freely gives us all things without expecting any return. But when we respond in worship, He is overjoyed!

Paying Last Respect To Mr Lee Kuan Yew

We queued for 4 hours to pay our last respect to Mr Lee Kuan Yew at the Parliament House. We went under priority queue as Jeshua was under 6 years old. I was amazed that Jeshua was so cooperative throughout the wait. My wife and I kept praising him.

What caught us with surprise is that the moment when we were near his coffin at the main hall, Jeshua suddenly started crying with no reason.

The whole hall was totally quiet (before he cried) as everybody was paying their last respect to Mr Lee. Panicked, I tried to calm him down but to no avail. It was only after we went past the late Mr Lee did he stop crying and started smiling.

It took a while before it dawned on me that Jeshua has always been sensitive to the spirit realm. He is able to discern those who are broken-hearted, those who have gone through depression and/or deep emotional issues.

Before he was a year old, there were three instances with three different people which caught our attention on this gift that God has graciously blessed him with. 

He would be drawn to these people even though he doesn't know and hasn't seen them before.

He must have sensed something when we entered the main hall where Mr Lee's body was lying.

Help me, Lord, to help him steward this precious gift.

Worries & Fears Are Learnt

Jeshua is so joyful everyday. God has told us to call out his identity as a joy releaser. Everywhere he goes, he will release joy into the atmosphere. Joy is the atmosphere of heaven.

Today, as I saw him smiling joyfully, I realised that many negative things/emotions in life are learnt. We are not born with worries and fears. A toddler like Jeshua has no worries and fears. He is only filled with joy.

That is what God the Father has created us to be. We are not meant to be overwhelmed by worries and fears. We are meant to overwhelm them with joy and courage!

Thus, it is important for us to return to our real identity - one created and born by the Spirit. We should unlearn what we have picked up from the worldly experiences.

Lovely Morning

This morning when I brought son to nanny, I asked him a few things.

1) Can you sayang Papa?
He "sayang" my face with his little palm.

2) Can you hug Papa?
He hugged me by placing both his arms around me and gave me a pat.

3) Can you kiss Papa?
He kissed with sound effect.

4) Do you love Papa?
He nodded his head and said "Yes."

What a beautiful morning! He is so sweet!

This is a beautiful picture of the love between God the Father and us. As He loves us, we respond to His love. Each moment when we respond to His love, He is completely overwhelmed by us.

I Love You

I often tell my son that I love him, because my dad never told me once. He's a conversative Asian father haha.

Today, as I brought Jeshua to his nanny, I told him again. Then I asked, "Does Jeshua love Papa?" He nodded his head.

I'm always delighted when he says that he loves me. Somehow I wait for that assurance.

God the Father knows our heart. Yet He desires that we tell Him, "I love you." That makes Him extremely delighted.

My Highest Call

When Jeshua was born, God spoke to me, "Your highest call is to be a father." My highest call is not to be a minister. Nope. It is to be a father. God is first and foremost a Father to me. We call Him "Abba Father." There is nothing that can be more important than being a father.

For the past two years, I have tried my best to be a father to Jeshua. But ministry is demanding; especially church ministry. I couldn't spend as much time with Jeshua as I would love to. Compared to a father holding a normal job, I spend lesser time with him.

Over the past two years, there were moments when I really felt like just spending time with him. Sometimes, there were frustrations when I had work to do when I should be spending time with him, during my off day or weekends.

This morning, I didn't let him play (or rather, play with him) with his toys. I was quick to send him to his nanny's place so that I could come home to do some work. As I was spending time with God, He spoke to me again - "Your highest call is to be a father. Are you willing to lay down your desires to build your son's foundation?"

The first five years create foundation for a child. If I as a father don't build his foundation, who will do it? What values do I want him to learn?

I couldn't help but broke down in tears.

I understood...

It's not easy. But I know what I should be doing for this season. Thank You for reminding me, Jesus.

Protection

We brought Jeshua to Waterway to play with sand. As I was playing with him, I noticed a few red ants crawling near him.

I kept trying to kill the ants so that they would not come near him. While I was doing that, Jeshua was happily playing without realising what his Papa was doing. He didn't even notice the 'danger' that was approaching him. He remained at the same location and thus was kept safe by me. If he were to move towards the ants, he would be bitten by them.

God the Father is always watching over us even though we sometimes don't recognise that. When we don't face any trouble, it's because He is protecting us. The safest place for us is to dwell and rest in the most High. It is by resting (trusting) that God can protect us fully. If we choose to step out of that rest, we might end up with unnecessary troubles.

Great Faith

We brought Jeshua to the Kiddy Palace at Compass Point. He actually went to take the soft toy - Barney and walked towards the payment counter.

He was queuing to make payment for his Barney! Guess what? He didn't have any cash with him! Somehow, he simply trusted that Papa or Mama would pay for him. He believed that he would receive the soft toy. What great faith he has!

Trusting in his parents as his provider seems so easy to him. It's really about having child-like faith. Child-like faith is great faith. I wonder if I have faith to make payment for something which I couldn't afford to pay, and simply trust God the Father to provide for me.

I believe it is possible. Yet our mind has been trained to become so logical that it simply doesn't make sense to make payment for something which we can't afford.

This is something worth learning from Jeshua. Simple yet powerful.

We Learnt Wrong Things In Life

Brought my son to the pool a third time after he was frightened off by the first experience. He was still a little fearful of staying in the water. I had to keep encouraging him and tell him that he's a bold and courageous boy.

It is interesting that we learn a lot of wrong/negative stuff in life. We didn't start out that way. We were born with a healthy identity that God has given to us. Yet through circumstances and experiences in life, we start to build a false identity based on the negative things we learn.

When a baby is in his mother's womb, he is not afraid of water. His whole body and face are immersed in water. When a baby first comes into this world, he is not afraid of water if you immediately put him in a pool. He is created to be fearless when it comes to water.

But as the baby grows up and experiences something bad when he gets into the pool, he learns how to be fearful of water. My son had a bad experience when we brought him to the pool for the very first time. The water was too cold for him. As a result, he was down with a cold within one day. He learnt fear through that.

We learn many things such as fear and worries in our lives. We learn guilt, condemnation and shame in our lives. We were not born to have those emotions and thoughts. A baby/toddler can boldly jump off from the bed. He can confidently climb high despite the danger of falling. He is created that way. It is only after a fall that he learns about danger and caution. If we don't teach him how to separate his identity from his experience, he will build a false identity based on his experience. That is disastrous in the long run.

Before we know Christ, we didn't know what guilt and condemnation is all about --- after we have sinned. After knowing Christ, we develop guilt and condemnation after sinning against God. This tells me one thing - guilt and condemnation is never from God. We just learn it because of our bad experience; people tell us about it; the devil whispers it to us. Jesus did not condemn the woman who was caught in adultery. He said, "Neither do I condemn you..." Romans 8:1 tells us that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

Since the fall of Man in the Garden of Eden, God has been wanting to restore our identity to the image of Him. We were all created to be secured in our identity. We were all made to be whole in our identity --- bold, fearless, peaceful, assured, strong, etc. But we have picked up too many negative things along the way. The only way to resolve this is to see our identity in Christ. Our identity has to be called out, reminded and lived out.

My role as Jeshua's father is to call out his identity over and over again despite his bad experiences. I'm not going to say, "My son is afraid of water." I will tell Jeshua, "You are bold and courageous. You can go into the water and enjoy it."

Allowing Creativity

Today, Jeshua drew on the wall with his colour pencils.

Obviously, this has "destroyed" the white, clean wall and made it rather messy.

However, my wife and I decided to let him draw on the wall in his room. This is important because we want to create a safe environment for him to explore his gifting and abilities. I believe that he is a very creative boy as I have seen him using unconventional ways in approaching his toys and other stuff.

It's easy for us to focus on the mess and miss out the potential in a person. God the Father always sees our potential in the midst of our mess. Jesus saw the ability and boldness in Peter even when Peter was still uneducated and impulsive. Peter turned out to become the apostle who preached boldly and powerfully on the day of Pentecost, with 3000 souls receiving salvation in one sermon. Jesus saw the unrelenting spirit in Paul when he was still ignorant and killing Christians. Paul turned out to be the apostle who had planted more churches than anyone in this world.

I want to be a father who focuses on the potential of Jeshua. I want to call out his identity and destiny. I want him to know that material things don't matter to us (parents) as much as he does. I want to create a safe environment for him to take steps of faith in exploring who he is and what God has gifted him with. More Lord!