When J was born, we didn't allow the parenting school of "separation anxiety" to teach us how to parent a child. In my personal opinion, the heavenly Father does not do that to us, therefore, we decided to steer clear of some good parenting advice.
Many believe in letting the little one cry by leaving him alone, until he learns to be independent and sleeps on his own. But we beg to differ because we must align the physical with the spiritual.
The Father doesn't leave a newborn Christian to cry on his own so that he can be independent. So what makes us think that we should do it on the earthly realm?
J slept with us in the same room and on the same bed since he was born. We wanted him to feel fully secure by our presence.
J was also breastfed until 5 years old. Kudos to my wifey! People are usually concerned that it's harder to wean off at an older age and the withdrawal symptoms would be significant.
Few months before he reached 5, we began to consistently and regularly prepare him by our words. We kept saying, "J, when you reach 5, you will stop breastfeeding."
On his 5th birthday, we stopped on the dot. That night, he cried for a short while, before going to bed. The next day, he was completely normal in his usual self. It didn't take effort for him to be weaned.
When he first went to the childcare and the toddler's service in church, we didn't just 'throw' him into it and left him to cry. We went with him and stayed with him for a few times, ensuring that he could always see us, because we never leave him nor forsake him.
He was eased into the new environments naturally and smoothly without feeling any separation anxiety. This has been the rule of our household: Presence supersedes presents.
Few months before he moved to the new house, at the age of 11, we began to consistently and regularly prepare him by our words. We kept saying, "J, when we move to the new house, you will sleep in your own room and bed."
On the night when we moved in, he gave us a night hug, and went to his own room and bed to sleep. There was no struggle. He successfully did it again.
He's reaching 12 and going through puberty. He still holds my hand in the public. We still hug and kiss, undefiled by the culture of this Asian world between a father and a son.
The Father in heaven never leaves us nor forsakes us. He is Jehovah Shammah. Separation anxiety is not in God's dictionary. The only time it happened was on the Cross when the Son cried out "My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?"
He cried that, so that today, you and I can rejoice, "My Father, My Father, You NEVER leave me NOR forsake me."
And we can do the same to our little ones as we parent them, not conforming to the pattern of this world, but with a renewed mind according to the pattern of heaven.
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