Affirmation Is A Decision

Affirmation is a decision.

Growing up in a typical Asian family, I hardly received any affirmation from my father. He loved me but he was just not trained by his parents to affirm with words. It required a deliberate decision for me to parent my child in a very different way, after knowing how the Father in heaven parents me.

A typical Asian parent will especially put down a child in front of others, thinking that it would prevent the child from becoming proud. If someone praises the child, "You have such an obedient boy," the parent will say, "No. He is very naughty." Sounds familiar? This is pretty disastrous. My wife and I totally eliminated the vocab 'naughty' and the phrase 'you are not a good boy' from our family dictionary.

Today, after J finished his milk, he came to me proudly, "Papa, see! I have finished!" Well, he has been doing that for as long as he started to drink milk. Despite the fact that he should know that he should finish it, I intentionally affirmed him over and over again. Some Asian parents think that we can't affirm too much. But I personally think that we can't go wrong with overflowing supply of affirmation. Because that's what the perfect Father does to me daily.

We have to make it an intentional decision to affirm our child for both who he is and what he has done, even if it seems a small task. Because to the child, it may be a big task on hand - like finishing his milk haha. If he is looking/waiting for affirmation, I'll give it without holding back.

When we don't give our child affirmation when he is looking for it, he will start looking for it in the world. Most of the time, that will be disastrous.

We can't expect teachers in school to give them much affirmation. Due to a big class of children on hand, they focus more on class management and behaviours. We, including me, have to make affirmation intentional. Because it is a decision.