Expectations?

I couldn't hit the sack early last night...

I was reflecting on how I fathered Jeshua recently, especially the past few days. I realised that the older he gets, the more I have expectations on him. I realised that if I don't intentionally stay conscious of how the Father in heaven fathers me, I would father my son according to how my earthly father fathered me.

When Jeshua was younger, I was intentional in showing love before any correction, even if it was a consequence of his own choice and disobedience. The focus is his identity as my beloved son, instead of his behaviours.

Lately, I observed a reverse. I was quick to correct him before I showed love. Man... this is no good. I had subconsciously switched to focus on his behaviours. Because I had placed an expectation on a 4-year old, when I did not place such expectation on him when he was a 2-year old.

There is nothing wrong with having expectations. God the Father loves us, but He does have expectations as we grow in Him. He communicates His expectations to us in His Word. Yet His expectations towards us do not affect the way He reveals His love. Neither does it change the sequence and approach of His love. Because He changes not. He is the same yesterday, today and forever.

I am called to represent the Father to my son. Therefore, I have to stay the same yesterday, today and forever.

Last few days, I had begun to treat him according to his behaviours, instead of treating him according to my love for him. Deep in my heart, I love him as my beloved son. But as the focus switched a little, my approach also switched. If I continue to do that, he would feel the change, though my love for him remains the same.

I looked at him as he was sound asleep last night. What a precious son he is. My heart broke. I love him. How could I react to his behaviours instead of responding with love? It was inconsistent with what I really felt in my heart.

I had written in one of my entries in this blog that we are to love based on who we are, instead of loving based on who people are. God is love and He loves us because of who He is, not because of who we are and our responses. He can't stop loving because Love IS Him.

There is a better way to communicate my love for my son by showing love first, before correction.

I disciplined him three times yesterday. Twice in the public toilets and once at the dining table at home. By disciplining, I do not refer to physical punishment like caning or hitting. I don't believe in inflicting physical pain to discipline a person, because God the Father does not do that.

I corrected him with my words. The tone was harsh at certain points. I don't think our Father in heaven would correct in that approach. And yes, he burst into tears. This is not building his identity.

I reflected on my past entries when he was younger. I knew what went wrong. It's a great reminder to switch back and focus on his identity.

Love first. Expectations second. 

It is really not that difficult.