What exactly did Jesus mean about the exception clause in Matthew 19:9?
Matthew 19:9 - And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.
The word "sexual immorality" is not the best translation. In the Greek, it should be "porneia", which covers a whole list of things including incest, idolatry, adultery, harlotry, etc.
However, while it is important to know the Greek word and its meaning, it is more important to know the context of the passage so that you know how it should be used.
Matthew was specific in using "porneia". In this context, it was not adultery. Why?
1. Under the Law, those who committed adultery would be stoned to death. (Deut 22:22; Lev 20:10)
2. Matthew used a different Greek word "moichao" for adultery (see Matt 19:9; Matt 5:32; Matt 5:27)
In 1 Cor 6:9, Paul listed one whole list of characteristics. Immorality (porneia) and adultery (moichao) are distinctively separated, though in the same list.
Some translations like KJV translated "porneia" as "fornication". It is probably one of the best English translations for this particular word.
In the context of Matthew 19, Jesus was tested by two schools of Pharisees - the Hillel & the Shammai (see Part 5 for more understanding). The former believed that you can divorce your wife for any reason, while the latter believed that you can divorce only on the ground of adultery.
They based it on Deut 24:1 - When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some UNCLEANNESS in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. (emphasis added)
In Matt 19:9, Jesus did not say "Yes" or "No" to their question (Matt 19:3). He explained the marriage Covenant from God's original intent in the beginning (Matt 19:4-6). Then He gave the revelation to the UNCLEANNESS in Deut 24:1.
Remember: Old Testament is New Testament concealed. New Testament is Old Testament revealed.
Matthew 19:9 (KJV) - And I say unto you, "Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for FORNICATION (porneia), and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery." (emphasis and Greek added).
In other words, "porneia" is the revelation of "uncleanness" in Deut 24:1.
In the New Covenant, apostle Paul did not include this exception clause.
In Mark 10 and Luke 16, both of them did not include the exception clause.
Mark 10:11-12 - So He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”
Luke 16:18 - "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery."
Mark and Luke were written to the Gentiles. But Matthew was written to the Jews. Hence, the exception clause must be related to the culture of the Jews!
Matthew 5:32 includes the exception clause too.
"But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of FORNICATION, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery." (emphasis added)
In the Jewish culture of those days, betrothal was a big deal. Once negotiation requirements for the marriage were done by both families and consented by the bride, the groom and the bride entered into a binding agreement. They were officially considered as HUSBAND and WIFE in all legal and religious aspects, except for cohabitation/consummation of marriage. Betrothal period was usually about twelve months before formal home-taking where the man brought his wife home.
The Jewish law declared that the betrothal is equivalent to an actual marriage and it can only be dissolved by a FORMAL DIVORCE.
When Jesus gave the exception clause in Matthew 19:9 and Matthew 5:32, He was specifically addressing the Jews.
Remember: The Jewish man would only find out if his betrothed wife is a virgin on the night of consummation. The Jewish men expected their wives to be virgins.
Under the Law in Deut 22:13-21, if the man publicly puts away the wife because she is not a virgin, she will be stoned to death.
But if the man simply divorces her (because she is not a virgin) and sends her away from the house, she can go and marry another man. (Deut 24:1-4)
This is why in Matthew 1, we see Joseph planning to divorce Mary secretly!
Matt 1:19 - Then Joseph her husband, being a JUST man, and not wanting to make her a public example, was minded to put her away SECRETLY. (emphasis added)
Joseph was a just man. Righteous. He was observing the Law by divorcing his wife on the biblical ground for divorce - fornication during betrothal! Mary was pregnant and he, in his human wisdom, would never think that it's God. He had thought that Mary committed fornication during the betrothal period. He wanted to put her away secretly so that she would not be stoned to death.
This is the only biblical example of divorce and guess who recorded it? Yes! Matthew!
As Jesus was giving the true intent of God in Matthew 19:9, the exception clause "porneia" in its rightful context was FORNICATION before home-taking of the wife!
In other words, the man did not know that his wife already had sexual relation with other man before they committed to the marriage. If he knew earlier, he might not have wanted to marry her. It's considered a fraud case and the marriage would not be deemed valid in God's eyes.
This is the ONLY ground for divorce Jesus was talking about!
This is why the disciples of Jesus responded with the following:
Matt 19:10 - His disciples said to Him, “If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry.”
Because they realised that marriage Covenant is for LIFE!
Only death breaks the covenant.
This is why our marriage vow goes, "...Till death do us part or till Jesus returns (for the believers)."
In this day and age, the exception clause that Jesus talked about hardly or almost never applies to us. Firstly, we don't have the betrothal thingy like the Jewish had in those days. Many women nowadays are not virgins and most men accept that. Once you have accepted, you have NO ground for divorce. Period.
Disclaimer: It doesn't meant that virginity is not important nowadays. See Part 5.
Today, we are thinking of biblical grounds for divorce BECAUSE of our own selfishness and self-centredness.
Marriage is not like Hollywood. We watched too much movies and we thought marriage should be that way. Guess what happens to most "Hollywood" marriages? You don't have to be a rocket scientist to know - they end up in divorce.
Marriage is about Galatians 2:20. You don't live expecting your spouse to love you. You receive perfect Love from the One who is perfect, then you pour out that love on your spouse who is imperfect. Marriage is not about receiving love. It's about giving love. It's about laying down your life for one another. I'm not perfect yet. But I'm Gal 2:20 in progress. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I'm already dead.
1 Corinthians 13 defines love:
1 Cor 13:4-8 - Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, THINKS NO EVIL; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails. (emphasis added)
Another translation for "thinks no evil" is "keeps no record of wrongs."
Love keeps no record of wrongs. "I can forgive him for all wrongs but not adultery." Look again. Love keeps NO record of wrongs. Now I'm not saying that adultery is a small deal. I'm simply exalting Love above that. Love keeps NO record of wrongs.
We say, "This kind of love is only found in God." But we are called to represent Him. We are called to become Love.
When does your spouse's response have to do with your response? We are not called to live in reaction to others. We are called to live in response to Christ.
Besides, what does your spouse have to do with your own holiness and maturity? It's your own personal walk and intimacy with Christ.
Living a crucified life (Gal 2:20) means it is no longer about me and my expectations. "Love is not self-seeking". It's about Christ who lives in and through me. Hence, my job is to surrender to God and let Christ manifest through me in the marriage. Even if my spouse doesn't love me as much as I love him/her, it doesn't stop me from receiving from Christ's love to love my spouse. We don't receive love first and foremost from our spouse. We receive FIRST from Christ our perfect Bridegroom!
I haven't married for long. Only short 7 years compared to those 40 over and 50 over years. But I realised that on the days when I live a crucified life, my marriage is the happiest. My wife is happy and I am happy. On the days when I decide to have some rights and self-centredness, my marriage is at its worst. That's when quarrels and arguments go on.
An argument (apart from biblical issues) is simply self-seeking. Period. You and I are dead. There is no more rights. I have to remind myself that. And you need, too.
The more we surrender to Him in a marriage, the more the marriage will blossom. It's the kingdom way. The way of living.
Practical suggestion:
Now that we know that there is basically NO ground for divorce, what should a couple do if the husband is violent and abusive, or has committed adultery?
According to Scriptures, it is still not a biblical ground for divorce. Marriage IS a Covenant. Following Paul's instruction in 1 Cor 7:10-11, the couple can go for separation (not divorce) for a period of time, while each party works out his/her own issue. Though it's easier said than done, the husband may need to go for biblical counseling. Sometimes, it's the wife who needs the counseling. Or even both parties.
There is no specific timeframe. It's either they remain separated or be reconciled to one another (1 Cor 7:10-11).
Since marriage is treasured deeply in the eyes of God, it is important that we choose our partner properly before entering into marriage. It's not a contract for you to sign and break. It's a covenant for life!
Since the devil is out to destroy marriages and virginity (by distorting the original intent of physical union), you can be pretty certain that God regards marriage and purity very highly.
Again I say, marriage IS a LIFETIME Covenant!
Matthew 19:5-6 - For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let NOT man separate.” (emphasis added)
"In the name of Christ, I, ______ take you, ______ to be my husband/wife, to love and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until death do us part. This is my solemn vow."
Indeed, only death do us part or when Jesus returns (for the believers).
Finally, we have come to an end on my interpretation of biblical marriage and divorce. As mentioned, I am open for correction so that it can be sharpened further. Only genuine discussions are welcomed.
May God keep and protect all our marriages as we grow in Him. #marriage #covenant
P.S: What about the divorced and the re-married? We will talk about it in the next post titled "God's Heart For The Divorced & The Re-Married."
No comments:
Post a Comment