Scolding Creates Fear

This morning, J couldn't finish his milk again. It's a bad habit formed when he was sick, because we allowed him to.

Few days ago, I disciplined him for not finishing his milk. By discipline, I do not mean using a cane or spanking him, for I do not subscribe to inflicting pain as biblical form of discipline. God always disciplines BY His Word. Nevertheless, I lost my patience and scolded him for not finishing his milk. Little did I know that I had created fear in him.

As I was soaking in the Father's presence this morning, it dawned on me that my wife and I were the ones who caused him to develop the bad habit of not finishing his milk. Why? We allowed him to when he was sick. It must be pretty confusing for a little toddler like him - "Didn't Papa and Mama allow that? Why is Papa scolding me now for not finishing my milk?" 

Well, I have forgotten that I need to speak/remind him gently (and repeatedly) about the difference between the time when he was sick and now when he is well.

This morning, he passed me his milk bottle. There was still some milk left in the bottle. I said, "J, can you finish your milk, please?"

He responded, "Cough. I cough. Cough cannot drink." While I appeared to be calm on the outside, I was shocked on the inside. He had just lied.

But who caused him to lie? I have to take full responsibility. IT IS ME. Due to the incident when I scolded him, he learnt fear. And fear has to do with punishment. "If I don't finish my milk, Papa is going to scold me. I don't want to be punished. I better think of an alternative."

True biblical discipline does not involve punishment. I never thought of doing that. I had no intention to. But I had created fear in him due to that one incident of scolding. Fear has to do with punishment. But perfect love casts out all fear.

Immediately after he lied to me, I carried him and hugged him. "Papa loves you. I'm not here to punish you. Do not fear. I know you can't finish your milk. I'm not scolding you. So there is no need for you to lie to Papa. Do you understand?"

J nodded his head and walked off happily to watch his Barney show.

There is so much to learn about the heart of our heavenly Father. The more I know Him, the more I have to unlearn what I have learnt. I want to represent Him well to my son.