Repeated Incident But Different Response

Today, Jeshua wanted a small packet of Milo. Knowing that he might spill if I were to give him a full packet, I drank half of it before passing to him. Nonetheless, he squeezed from the centre of the packet and it overflowed to the floor, his jumper and his hand.

Remembering the incident that happened yesterday, I immediately decided to take a different response.

I looked at him and went, "Don't worry, Jeshua. Papa will clear up. Let's go and change and wash up first." He didn't cry this time.

A messed place is much better than a 'messed' heart.

Over and Over Again

For the past few days, I have been watching the same educational show with Jeshua over and over again (yes, a few times in each day). I can easily anticipate what the next line of conversation is. Personally, it's pretty boring to stare at the repetitions. But the interesting fact is that Jeshua can keep watching the same show over and over again without getting bored. Each time when he wakes up from his sleep (which includes afternoon nap), the same show appears to be a brand new show for him. I find it really amazing (or amusing). Despite my thoughts, I still continued to watch with him. As long as he enjoys it, I am happy, because I enjoy him.

I wonder what God the Father thinks when we do the same thing over and over again. I doubt He goes, "Man, he is doing the same thing again." His focus is not on what we are doing but on who we are. He enjoys us, literally. As long as we enjoy what we are doing (within the context of His will), He is happy.

He is happy when I'm enjoying my dinner.

He is happy when I'm enjoying my reading.

He is happy when I'm enjoying my son.

He is happy when I'm enjoying twitter and Instagram.

He is happy when I'm doing the same thing over and over again.

What an amazing Father we have!

Innocent

I was drinking my cup of coffee today as I sat with my son on the sofa.

After a while, he suddenly came close to me, trying to hug me (which is his usual style of wanting me to carry him to another place). As I was unable to respond so quickly, the hot coffee was spilled over my body, sofa and floor. Out of frustration, I raised my voice a little, "Jeshua. You see what has happened?!"

Immediately, he broke down in tears. I calmed him down. Then I put my cup on the dinner table, changed my Tshirt, wiped the sofa and the floor before going to him and apologised.

"I'm sorry, Jeshua. Papa shouldn't be so quick to express my frustration. I love you. I'm sorry."

My son was innocent. He didn't know that he would cause such inconvenience to me. He simply wanted to hug me (and ask me to bring him to another place) and play with me, but I reacted negatively instead of responding with love.

When we 'accidentally' mess up, I doubt God the Father would react with frustration and impatience. He is love and He always responds with love. He sees us as who we are in Christ, instead of looking at our messy behaviours and goes, "That's frustrating."

It's important for me to show Jeshua that things are worth much lesser than him, who is priceless and precious in my eyes. When hot coffee is spilled on my body, Tshirt, sofa and floor, they can all be cleaned up. But a broken heart takes time to heal.

I rather have a broken cup than his broken heart. I rather take time to clear the mess than to make him feel that his identity is defined by his mess.

Messed Up? Who Clears Up?

Jeshua would mess up the house countless of times in a single day.

It could be due to him playing his toys or leaving his food crumbs around the house (which causes many ants to come).

Most of the time, my wife and I have to clear up his mess. But we can handle it no matter how messy it is.

God the Father doesn't look at our mess and goes, "Man, I have never expected this. Not sure how I'm going to clear it up." No. He is more than ABLE to handle our mess.

If we ever mess up, we can rest in His love and trust Him to handle our mess.

Greatest Gift To My Son

God's greatest gift to us is not Jesus His Son. That was a past tense. God's greatest gift is the gift of His presence - it is God Himself (Holy Spirit) who is present with us.

This helps me to know that my greatest gift for my son is my presence. It is not even about having me present in the house or in the room. It is about me being present WITH him.

It's a good reminder for me that I only have 14-16 years to impact him before he starts making his own choices.

Teach me, Holy Spirit. Remind me, sweet Spirit.

Expensive?

I didn't grow up from a rich family. Growing up, there were many things I knew I couldn't buy because my father didn't earn a lot. Our family couldn't afford them. I didn't blame him, because he worked very hard to sustain a family of six. Furthermore, he taught and showed me what diligence and hardwork is all about.

Having said this, the way I was being brought up affected my view of God the Father. I always thought that God would give me what I need but He would not grant me what I want. I saw God through the lens of my earthly father. If what I asked for is too expensive or extravagant, I knew deep down in my heart that God wouldn't answer my prayer.

Now that I'm a father, it is important that I communicate properly to my son so that he doesn't get a wrong view of who God the Father is. God owns everything in heaven and on earth. He is our Chief Provider who is ABLE and is willing to lavish on us extravagantly.

Having said that, it doesn't mean that I have to capacity to buy what Jeshua would like to have. As such, it's vital for me not to say, "Papa can't afford it" or "Papa doesn't have enough money."

Instead, I should use phrases like "We are not getting it today" or "we are not buying now."

This will help him understand that even though God the Father wants to bless him (God is able, but his earthly father may not be able), it may not always be immediate. Delayed answer actually brings faith with character.

The key is for Jeshua to know the nature and character of God and know Him as who He is.

Serve You Right?

Jeshua was throwing tantrum today in the train on our way back home. As a result, he accidentally hit the side of his forehead against the metal pole beside the reserved seating.

Of course, he cried loudly as it was very painful. It was a consequence due to his disbedience.

Our Asian style of parenting teaches us to grab this opportunity to scold him or teach him, i.e. "Serve you right!", "You see. I told you!", "That's the result of your disobedience.", etc.

As I look to God the Father, I realise that He doesn't say or do that to us when we suffer from the consequence of our wrongdoings. When we sin or disobey against Him and end up experiencing pain, we already know that we are at fault. We know that we are the culprit for our pain. Instead of rebuking us, the Father embraces us with His love (The parable of the prodigal son) and gentleness to ensure that we are loved. It is the goodness of God that leads us to repentance. Once we experienced His goodness and are restored, He reveals to us what we could have done right.

Jesus came to reveal Himself as "grace and truth." There is an order of priority. Grace comes before truth. Truth must be wrapped up in grace. It's not the other way round. When grace is released, truth is received.

I must always remember to respond with love as the first thing whenever Jeshua suffers from the pain of his own action. Showing love is priority. Guiding him in what is right is necessary, but secondary.

Participation

I went down to buy lunch and some groceries earlier, with Jeshua in the baby carrier.

Jeshua wanted to hold the box of cereal that I bought. As I was afraid that he didn't have enough strength, I secretly held the bottom part of the box so that it wouldn't drop. At the same time, it would be less straining for his little hand. I was literally the one who was doing the work.

The matter of the fact is this... I didn't need him to carry the box for me. But I allowed him to, so that he would be filled with joy.

God the Father doesn't need us to do anything for Him. He can easily do it by the word of His mouth. But He allows us to participate in His purpose and plan. He allows us to co-partner with Him to reign and release heaven's reality on this earth. What a privilege and joy!

By our own ability, there is nothing much we can do. The Father is the one doing the main work as we lay hold of the task which he allows us to participate.

We can simply rest and trust in His ability and power as we do His work.

Learning New Things

My son has learnt various new things that I'm very proud of.

Last week, he said "No more" when the Hi-Five show ended. Wow!

When he went too near the TV to watch, I said, "Jeshua, too near." Guess what he did? He walked backwards while facing the TV until his back touched the sofa. What a smart boy!

He learnt to help with the laundry by placing his laundry basket back to the original position.

He learnt to throw his socks into his own laundry basket after he returns home.

He learnt to keep his toys after playing.

He learnt to pick up rubbish and throw them into the rubbish bin.

The list keeps on growing...

He learnt so many things in such a short span of time.

Each time when my son learns something new, I'm overjoyed. I can imagine God the Father feeling the same way (much more intensified) whenever we learn something new in the kingdom of God.

Each time we discover the truths in the Word and walk in the truths, God the Father goes, "Awesome! I'm so elated!" When we start laying hands on the sick or reach out to the lost with the Gospel, He goes, "Wow, wow, wow! That's fabulous!"

Just as I notice and desire to see the new things that Jeshua learns, God the Father, too, notices and desires to see us learning new things.

God is Both & More

Jeshua simply loves to play with water during his shower time. I remember telling my wife one day when I was bathing for Jeshua (and he was playing with water), "It's kind of wasting water... In other countries, they don't have much water."

My wife replied, "It's not alot lah. Just let him play."

It then dawned on me that I was behaving like some religious ones who fail to understand who God is.

In the story of the alabaster jar, the woman, known as Mary Magdalene, poured an expensive perfume over the head of Jesus. The religious leaders got extremely upset. "It is so wasteful! The perfume worths a year's wages. It can be used to feed the poor and needy." But Jesus wasn't concerned with that. He called it "extravagant worship."

Somehow, we tend to think that if one part of the world's resources is used, God will have one part of the resources lesser. If someone owns a big house, God will have one big house lesser to bless others. If we play with water, other countries in the world would have lesser water.

It's the same as saying, "If another person is poor, you can't be rich." Or if we take it to the extreme, "If another person is grieving, you can't be joyful."

Well, nothing is further from the truth. God is not either or. God is both and more.

You can be joyful even when someone is grieving.

You can be rich even when someone is poor.

You can own a big house even when someone doesn't have a roof over his head.

You can play with water even when others don't have enough water.

God is ABLE to grant you abundance AND provide for the lack in the lives of others at the same time.

Our abundance doesn't affect the lack in others. Because God has unlimited resources.

God is both and MORE!

I have decided to let Jeshua play with water and enjoy himself.

Comforter

My son is sleeping peacefully on my arm now. 15 minutes ago, he was crying persistently as he was looking for his mama.

A breast-fed baby is generally more clingy to his mama. He sees her as the primary source of comfort, or perhaps, the only comfort. Jeshua has been and is still being breastfed at the age of 18 months. My wife is simply awesome!

The setback is that whenever my wife is not around, he will be upset because his source of comfort is absent. As his father, I can be his playmate, but I can't replace the role of his mama when it comes to comfort.

As he is still unwell today, I decided not to place him with his nanny. Since it's my rest day, I can take care of him.

He woke up early at 7.30am. I had to wake up with him even though I slept at 2plus am this morning after sending my mentee off for his overseas studies. After cleaning him up, brushing his teeth and changing his clothes and diaper, I gave him a little brekkie. He didn't eat much as he probably didn't have much appetite.

After watching his favorite Hi-Fi DVD show, we played at his play mat area. Time flew quickly. Before long, I brought him to the bathroom and showered him. He simply loves to play with water during his bath time. That reminds me of writing another blog post on this.

After his shower, he started crying and looking for mama. I tried all that I could to calm him down - scooped up his porridge to feed him but he rejected; pointed to the TV but he shook his head; asked him if he wanted formula milk (since mama is not around) and he shook his head again; brought him to the master bedroom and he cried even louder; gave him various toys and objects but he continued to cry; tried to read story books to him yet he didn't stop crying; did very stupid actions and things to try to make him laugh but failed badly; passed him water to drink but he didn't want either; carried him and walked around but he kept crying non-stop. It seemed that nothing that I did would calm him down. He was relentless in looking for his mama.

Having tried all my ways, I decided to just sit beside him and let him cry, hoping that he would somehow be tired and stop crying. It just didn't happen. He went on and on. I told myself, "Since nothing works, I'll just not respond and see if he would quieten down himself." I sat there for a while before the Holy Spirit spoke to me gently. "If you are crying, would the Father not respond to you?"

I replied in my heart, "No. He will always respond."

He said, "Do you think you should respond?"

I argued, "Yes, I should. But I have responded and tried all that I could. What else can I do?"

He answered, "Your son is looking for comfort. If your wife is not around, who's the next person to comfort him? Carry him and give him comfort."

I was thinking, "I already carried him just now but it didn't work. But since God spoke to me, I'll try."

I looked at Jeshua, carried him and gently stroke my right palm against his back. Within a few seconds, he stopped crying altogether!

After another 10-15 minutes, he slept on my arm. Yes... Even now.

God the Father is always responsive. He is our source of comfort and He desires to comfort us at all times. However, we sometimes get caught up with what we think is our source of comfort. We find comfort in many other things but God. As a result, when those things are not with us, we lose our source of comfort. We miss out God the Comforter, who is eagerly waiting to comfort us.

My son was so caught up with the comfort of his mama that he missed out his father's presence and the possibility of being comforted by his father. 

Yet the heart of God is for me to show Jeshua that He always desires to comfort him.

What good news! We have a heavenly Father who is relentless when it comes to giving us comfort!

Papa

I recalled the first time when Jeshua called me "Papa". I was on cloud nine. It was an emotion I had never felt before in my life.

I can imagine how excited and delighted God the Father is when we call Him, "Papa." One simple word - "Papa" is what He longs to hear.

The morning after Jeshua contracted HFMD, he kept calling me "Papa, Papa, Papa..." He was crying out in pain due to the ulcers in his mouth and tongue. I almost didn't want to step out of the house for work, even though my wife was on childcare leave to take care of him.

It is impossible for us to call out "Papa God" without Him responding to us. He is always in eager expectation to hear and respond to us.

In the early stage of his growth, when I was down with a flu, I had to be sleeping in a different room from him. I couldn't go near him. That was miserable. I missed him badly. I was counting down moment by moment and anticipating the time when I could hear him calling, "Papa"; when I could go near and hug him again.

When we withdraw from Papa God, I believe He is extremely downcast. His emotions are intensified because He is God. He is saying, "Son, I miss you so much. I can't wait for you to call Me Papa and allow Me to embrace you."

"Papa", simple as it may sound but it carries a deep relationship filled with meaning and purpose.

Come Up Higher

Last night, I wanted to read the Jesus Storybook Bible to Jeshua but he didn't want. He kept wanting to play with his toys. I brought the bible near him but he shook his head. Then he passed me his building blocks, wanting me to play with him.

At first, I kind of insisted that he read the bible first before playing. But I failed. He refused to read.

When he passed me his toys to play with him, I acted like him - a little toddler. I didn't want to. I wanted him to know that there's a time to play and there's a time to read the Word.

An idea came and I tried to put him on his baby chair, thinking that I would be able to get him to sit still and read the Word. Again, it didn't work out. He was crying to come down.

I stood beside the chair while he went around happily in the living room with his toys. I stood there and waited. I kept waiting, in hope that he would come back to me and sit on his chair. Well, he did come back but it wasn't to sit down. He just came, in hope that I would play with him.

I smiled at him and decided that I would bring him back to the master bedroom and played a while with him. Then I picked up the bible and read aloud on my own while he continued to play on his own.

As I was reflecting and praying about it this morning, I realised that I have missed it.

I felt God saying this, "I know you desire Jeshua to read the Word. But you can't force him to do it. Help him by removing the distractions before he sees them. He can't handle them at the moment."

It is so easy to fall into the trap of wanting (or evening forcing) my son to do what is good for him. But what I see as good may not be what he sees as good. As such, it is important for me to lead him into a journey of trust - trusting in his father - that his father knows what is really good for him. Because his relationship with me is measured by how much he trusts me, not by how much he does what he has to do.

As a father, it is my desire to bring him deeper in his relationship with me. This can only happen when he trusts me more and more.

Similarly, God the Father always desires that we go deeper in our relationship with Him. He is saying, "I want to you to come up higher to Me. Trust in Me."

As I stood at the baby chair waiting for Jeshua yesterday, I was reminded that God the Father is constantly waiting for us patiently to go to where He is. While we are busy with our stuff, He is waiting for us.

We grow in our relationship with Him when we go to where He is, not when we stay at where we are. However, He loves us so much that He is willing to go down to our level to meet us where we are, even though He desires to bring us higher to where He is. He is always patient.

Sin or disobedience is a result of a lack of trust in God. Adam and Eve disobeyed and ate the fruit because they didn't fully trust that God has their best interest at heart.

The key to stop sinning is not about trying to stop sinning (I'm not saying that we should sin). The root has to be dealt with. We have to keep running closer and closer to God. The closer we go to Him, the more we see His love and goodness. The more we see His love and goodness, the more we will trust Him. That is the solution to sin and disobedience - TRUST.

I have to learn to gently draw Jeshua to come to me, to come up higher by trusting in me. And I can only do that by first going to him, letting him see and experience my love. The more he sees my love, the more he will trust in me and in what I ask him to do.

Scars of Pain

My son woke up this morning with two red scratches on his forehead. I felt worried when I first saw them. As a father, you will always feel a tad of pain when your son is physically unwell or hurt.

I wonder how God the Father felt when Jesus endured the lashes and the Cross. Every lash must be extremely tormenting for the Father. Yet for our sake, He had to see Jesus going through it so that He doesn't have to see us go through again.

1 Peter 2:24 - He Himself took our sins in His body on the Tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By His wounds, we have been healed.

Matthew 8:17 - He took all our infirmities and diseases. By His stripes, we are healed.

Jesus received what we deserved so that we can receive what He deserved. It pained the Father to see all the sicknesses fallen upon His Son on the Cross.

Because of the completion of Jesus' works on the Cross, the Father never again wants to see sicknesses upon us.

I cannot imagine anyone thinking that the Father still allows or uses sicknesses to grow us in patience and character.

I won't do it to my lovely boy. What more about God who is perfect Love!

If it pains my heart to see Jeshua unwell or hurt, the pain is intensified for God the Father.