Who Taught My Son To Hit Others?!

There are always two sides to a coin. It's the same for parenting.

Recently, J tried to hit me with his hand when he was upset. I mean, come on, he's just two years old (turning three soon). As much as I am shocked by his response, I have to reflect on my parenting.

Before I had the revelation on GRACE parenting by the Holy Spirit, I had smacked him on his hand as a form of punishment when he was a few months' old, each time when he tried to test the boundaries i.e. touching the power socket. In those days, I already felt unrest in my spirit when I used smacking as a form of discipline. I couldn't reconcile that form of discipline with the heart of our heavenly Father. He doesn't use ANY physical pain as a form of discipline. Yet in the past, I reckoned that it was the only way I should do to teach J not to test boundaries, despite the fact that I was acting inconsistently with what I believe about the Father.

I had thought that by smacking his hand (even with a rod) when he was about to touch the power socket, I would be teaching him about the danger of electricity. Most people think that a few months' old child won't understand if we try to reason with him. That is very true. But the irony is this - what makes us think that they will link smacking to the danger of electricity? Honestly, at few months' old, they will probably think like this - "I cannot touch the power socket, because I will get punished. I will get smacked. I will feel painful." In other words, when they learnt not to touch the power socket OR other boundaries, they will link it to punishment, instead of the REASON (electricity can hurt or kill) why they shouldn't touch it. This kind of teaching not only creates fear, it also cripples a child from exploring and stepping out in faith to uncharted waters. At the same time, they also learnt that it is perfectly fine to smack anyone when they are upset.

This is interesting, because the one who taught him to hit someone with his hand or a rod is ME! Though I have now tried to parent him by grace after the revelation given by the Holy Spirit, and as much as possible (sometimes, I still fail because of my lack of patience), to father him according to the heart of God the Father, I still have to teach him to unlearn what I had modeled wrongly (i.e. using punishment) when he was a few months' old.

I am convicted and convinced that how we model to a child according to the heart of the Father will impact his life for the years to come.

P.S: When a child is a few months old, we can simply carry him away from the power socket each time when he wants to touch it. Or we can direct him to engage with something else, like a toy. When he grows older, we explain to him about the danger of electricity.