The Struggle Of Parenting Gen Alpha

The Struggle Of Parenting

As homeschooling parents, we have purposed to do things different from social norm. We want to impart good values to our kid (though we are not perfect). This is the reason for homeschooling in the first place.

For J, it is sometimes, a struggle to break away from his circle of homeschooling friends. Yes, we need to keep finding the right community. Most of his male friends, despite homeschooling, are stuck with both handheld (including mobile) games and console games.

We have been intentional in avoiding/delaying J from those stuff. Yet when he's with his group of friends at homeschooling lessons/activities, he couldn't help but feel lonely, because he couldn't play them, and thus, could not connect on those topics. There were many times when he felt left out as he shared with us.

Once someone takes out the mobile device, the whole social communication/interaction vanishes. The rest of the boys will all focus on the mobile games.

Welcome to Gen Z and Gen Alpha where social media & games (for boys) are everything. The set of struggles for girls will be different from boys.

We cannot blame the homeschool parents, for the role of homeschooling mums are most tiring as compared to SAH mums and working mums. I say this in general.

SAH mums whose kids go to schools have the best privilege of daily "me" time and self-cares. Again, I say this in general.

Working mums have the privilege of taking a break from their kids.

Homeschooling mums are constantly revolving around the kids. There is no daily "me" time or regular breaks from the kids. The engagement is almost 24/7. By the time when the kid goes to bed, the mum is already exhausted.

This is the reason why we cannot fault homeschooling mums for allowing their kids to play mobile/console games. Because when the kids' attention is drawn away from the mum, the mum is able to take a breather and rest.

It will be so easy for us to simply let J play mobile/handheld games. It makes our lives way easier. It removes the struggle of him trying to fit in with his circle of friends.

But we need to be firm and unwavering. We need to remind ourselves the purpose of homeschooling. The pressure and social conformity might be strong in this nation, but how we navigate this as parents, and how we build tenacity and values in our child is true empowerment.

We are empowering him for the future. We are empowering him to say "No" to what is not beneficial. We are empowering him to resist temptations. We are empowering not to be conformed, but to reform. We are empowering him to be a leader, not a follower. We are empowering him to be different from the majority so that he can go after God and the narrow path, even if it is difficult.

The struggle is real at times, but we must look beyond the present into the future. We cannot mould him into what we want him to be. But we can provide the platform for him to step into who he could be. By His grace.

Do What We Preach

My son passed me a sweet dessert to have a bite.

I said, "No. I don't like sweet stuff. You can enjoy it."

He replied, "Everything must try. That's what you always say to me."

Since I have said that, I had to swallow back my words and take a bite.

Fathering requires you to do what you preach. It forces NATO out of your life because you have a mini mirror (aka your child) reminding you what you have said.

Humility & Honour

There is more to write about certain pastors today (happens to be another's birthday), whom I had personal encounters with. Yeah most people only see the elevated part.

I got to see how insecure they are, while they fiercely preach on identity and minister like superstars.

Not pointing fingers. That's why we are not naming anyone.

It continues to show that we are all on the same level playing field, regardless of your ministry achievements, public affirmation and spiritual title/position.

All are but sons and daughters. All are growing unto His likeness. All have NO superiority over one another because Christ is the only Supreme Authority and the only Superstar.

Therefore, we shall walk in humility and honour towards one another, especially the least and the unknown, who can bring no value to us.

There is no double honour needed for elders and pastors (1 Tim 5:17) except for those who 'rule well'. In Greek, it means 'to have character which provides the needed model to direct others and the excellence by living in faith.'

Have been reading the book of Timothy, so pardon me for these posts.

True Humility

Years ago before the School of Power and Love SG conference, I went up to a Senior Pastor, trying to thank him for assisting us to publicise the event. He gave the "don't come and disturb me" expression and wanted to quickly brush me aside.

During the conference, he came up to me one day and gave a sarcastic remark, saying, "Pastor, I need to go off earlier. Sorry I can't attend the full day." Well, he knew that I'm not a pastor. I'm just a volunteer hosting School of Power and Love SG.

In School of Power and Love SG, we intentionally refused to elevate any pastor but gave everyone the same treatment ---- it is the main message of identity and sonship. But I guess some including him got offended.

Yeah others might see him as a humble pastor but I saw more things and much deeper about leadership (and some pastors) in this conference.

Humility is not based on how you "humble" yourself by treating others of similar position. True humility is revealed by how you treat the least and the unknown.

Btw today happens to be his birthday. Jesus still loves him. Amen.

The Word Delivers

The Word Delivers

For a period of time, my son was afraid of Halloween and the picture of skeletons. He's generally more sensitive (and imaginative) to stuff since he was born. I believe he's a seer.

I gave him a lot of the Word to memorise, confess and believe. But it didn't help him to break free from this fear. It did, however, build a foundation in which the voice of God can come through.

One day, I took him aside and asked him to confront this issue with God together. We prayed and waited for the Holy Spirit to speak to him.

He saw a sword that grew bigger and it slayed a skeleton to pieces. And the verse that appeared in the sword is 'I will be with you wherever you go, Joshua 1:9."

Love (Joshua 1:9) produces faith that extinguishes the fiery darts that come against you.

From that day onwards, he broke free from the fear of skeletons.

The Word delivers when the Word becomes real to you. Hearing from God without the Word can result in unstable faith, tossed around by every circumstance. 

But hearing from God with the Word builds an unwavering faith that is stable in every situation.

I have seen too many strong prophetic people who are weak in the Word. I don't think it has to be the way.

My desire is to build a strong foundation of the Word in my son's life so that he can move in the power of the Spirit that is based on truths.

Genealogies (Curses)

Genealogies (Curses)

Generation curses are not biblical. In fact, it is not even found in the Old Testament, though most teachings on this topic gather their verses from the Old Testament.

What we could see in the Old Testament is simply negative parenting/modeling resulting in repeated behaviours of the future generations.

Paul was determined to teach the Gospel of Christ. This is what he said to Timothy...

"...you may charge certain persons not to teach any different doctrine, nor to devote themselves to myths and 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐢𝐞𝐬, which promote speculations rather than the stewardship from God that is by faith. - 1 Tim 1:3-4

The word 'genealogies' in Greek refers to 'tracing by generations'. Titus 3:9 says that it is useless and worthless.

Why? It promotes speculations rather than the stewardship (aka administration) from God that is BY FAITH.

If we continue to teach and believe in generation curses, we are tracing by generations, promoting speculation rather than the Gospel of Christ which is walked and lived BY FAITH.

There is so much authority and power in Christ delegated to every believer. We need to stop finding excuses for our behaviours and patterns because the past generations have NO HOLD on us if we decide to walk differently.

Fallen From Grace

Fallen From Grace

"You have fallen from grace."

This is a phrase we hear over and over again when a spiritual, public figure's sin is exposed.

But this is not Bible.

To fall from grace is to not about sinning and missing the mark. To fall from grace is to go after works and live by the Law.

You are severed from Christ, you who would be justified by the law; you have fallen away from grace. - Gal 5:4

This is the only passage in the Bible that talks about falling from grace. You can't fall from grace regardless of how you sin. Because when you were a sinner, His grace reached out to you. 

The only way to fall from grace is to depend on your works, achievements and ministry performance. Because you turn Christ into a religion.

You and I can never fall from grace if we continue to cling onto Christ as our salvation. The public figures in ministries might have sinned (just as you have sinned), but they can never fall from grace if they keep holding onto Christ.

The sin that the public figures committed is no different from the sin that we committed. Theirs are exposed publicly. Ours are kept privately. If we get the chance to be exalted to their position, ours will be exposed publicly.

The fact that we are surprised by the sins of those prominent, public figures only reveal one thing ----- we exalted them beyond Christ. We worshiped them unknowingly. Our eyes failed to focus on the God of Man. Instead, we focus on the Men of God.

If we truly understand identity, everyone is on the same level playing field, regardless of whether you are a pastor, prophet, evangelist, apostle or whatever public figure. There is no exaltation and elevation needed except Christ and Christ alone. Period.

The Three Things

The Three Things

John shared three things that separate a believer from the world.

1 John 2:16 - For all that is in the world — the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life — is not from the Father but is from the world.

1) What your eyes see and desire ---- ENVY

2) What your soul and body feel and desire ---- LUST

3) What you have achieved and accumulated ---- POSSESSIONS

In my world of real estate, posting about awards (commission earned) and achievements/accolades falls straight into the category of the pride of life (possessions). John was very clear about it. It is not from the Father, but is from the world.

The three things are the barometer of whether we love the world or the Father. If we keep ourselves away from these three things that will pass away with the world, our hearts will be prevented from lukewarm Christianity.

H2H Talk Over Girls

Had a H2H talk with my son walking down the streets at night.

Was educating him about girls with sexy dresses revealing their cleavage and exposing almost half of their breasts. For he asked me why they would dress this way.

Initially, he said that he didn't like these kinds of girls. But I wanted to know how he genuinely felt seeing them.

He said, "It feels weird. I don't know how to explain it." But he was curious (as he is growing up).

Then I started explaining to him about the Fall, how men, by nature, are drawn to cleavage and breasts. But Jesus has empowered us to live a new way --- by living from the spirit, to the soul and to the body (sight) instead of the normal way of living from the body to the soul and spirit.

Having the Spirit inside us, we now can decide how to live, whether from the spirit or from the body.

Also educated him about ladyboys. When we were taking the train, we saw a ladyboy and I highlighted it to him.

Then I told him to do his devotion on the train, since communion with God can be on the move, even when there are people around.

He shared what he saw in a vision.

"I saw a ring that dropped into the drain. A person tried to search and find it but he couldn't. After trying for a long time, he gave up."

I said, "Can you ask the Holy Spirit what it meant?"

He then added, "It's about a man losing hope and giving up."

I asked, "Can you ask the Spirit who this person is?"

He prayed for a while but couldn't seem to get it.

So I hinted, "Who was the last person you were looking at?"

Suddenly it dawned on him that God was speaking to him about the ladyboy sitting in the train.

I added, "He was straight. But he lost a relationship. It broke his heart deeply. He tried to salvage it but failed. So he gave up hope about a BGR relationship and became a ladyboy. You have heard God correctly."

The Spirit of God is always searching for someone who is ready to listen to Him. Communion reveals His heart and it can be done anywhere, anytime. We just need to lean in and listen.

Fathering work involves Him. The more we allow Him to father us and the more we learn to be His son, the more we learn how to father our child.

Making A Stand

Making A Stand

The heart of homeschooling is to impart life and values to the children where the institution can't. We can't blame the institution because it is impossible to do so in a class of 40 students. It is not their job.

It's the parents' responsibility to grow and nurture their own children. Similarly, it's not the church institution's job to disciple our children. It is impossible to do so in the crowd. It's the parents' own responsibility.

For this reason, we chose homeschooling, so that we can be actively involved in parenting. This also means that we have to make a stand from time to time, both towards our child and other parents.

Recently, my wife had to make a stand regarding some matters as J was constantly exposed to some stuff by other kids in the homeschooling activities.

If we compromise, it would defeat the purpose of homeschooling. We might as well send J back into the institution.

She shared with me, "Sometimes, I guess we have to be ready to lose some friendships when we make a stand."

I replied, "That's totally fine. In life, we have to make a stand from time to time, and if those friendships are not meant to be, so be it."

Jesus never compromised for the sake of friendships. When He made His stand, many left Him. Only a few stood by Him. On the Cross, only John stood near. If not for Jesus making His stand, we would not have been sozo-ed.

Relationships are important, but not at the expense of conviction and truths. Don't build your life around relationships. Build your life around conviction and truths, and those valued relationships will find you.

Homeschooling Exams

Homeschooling Exams

Taking his first academic (MOE) exam in life. Compulsory for homeschoolers from 10 years old onwards.

As a homeschooler, he gets to go for his Karate class, chill in Orchard during the weekend before exams, and he gets to enjoy lunch and play with his friends right after each paper.

***Photo taken after two Math papers while Science and Chinese papers are up and coming.

Academic exams are purely events in life but they are not the proof of life. Life is way more than academic exams.

Real life begins when exams end. Because life encompasses exams which are not events (non-academic) but processes. You get to take them over and over again until you learn to overcome that test of life.

We want our son to walk through the processes needed for his life to become what God wants him to be and do.

Study -> Academic Exams -> Go vacation and play -> Rinse and Repeat every year is NOT the way of life. It might be the general life of a Singaporean child but we have determined in our hearts to give him a purpose in life.

This is why we chose homeschooling to defy the social norms. Challenging, time consuming, yet fulfilling.

Shout out to my wife for teaching him and preparing him for the compulsory event (academic exams) in SG!

The Singaporean Life

The Singaporean Life

Parents: We work so hard... It's all for our family. It's for our children to have better lives. We want them to go to better schools, get better grades, get better jobs, and live the American dream.

Parents: We buy them good material stuff. We give them a domestic helper to take care of them. We bring them for great vacations regularly. We give them experiences that require money to buy.

Parents: We do spend time with our children. Just not quantity. We have quality time bringing them to school and fetching them back. We also spend time bringing them to all the enrichment classes on weekends yah.

Children: We cannot differentiate quality time from quantity time. What we know is that we spend more time with teachers, friends and domestic helpers than you. We want more of your presence than your presents. We want quantity time to feel your love and support.

The Singaporean Life of parents comes with a good desire and motivation, but that is not family life. 

We reproduce in our children what we do to them. If we keep going after the "rinse and repeat" lifestyle of a Singaporean, our children will do the same to the next generation and also back to you when you grow old.

It's time to break that cycle. Yeah SG cost of living is very high, but we don't have to follow what the majority are doing. There is a place for enough instead of running the rat race.

Prayer For Leadership

Prayer For Leadership

As believers, we are called to pray for those in leadership, whether it's the leadership of the ruling party, or the leadership of the opposition party. Because our goal of praying is not for them, but for the people in the nation.

I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions, 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐲 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐚 𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐞𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐞𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞, godly and dignified in every way. - 1 Tim 2:1-2

They are all leaders, and if we are selective in praying for one party, we are not praying the heart of God for the people.

Missing the main purpose of this prayer for leadership is what causes Christians to be divided in supporting political parties and thinking that there should only be one kind of leadership. Well, this kind of interpreting the Scriptures probably only happens for Singaporean Christians. Because we live with a pretty sheltered worldview in this small island.

I have yet to see a national prayer event praying for the leaders of the opposition to lead wisely. Because we presumptuously think that they are bad and wrong. 

Ask other believers in various nations and they will give you a different perspective.

But 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐤 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐟𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐢𝐭𝐲 where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the Lord on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare. - Jeremiah 29:7

The focus on praying for all leaders is to seek the welfare of the people in the nation.

Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐚 𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐭, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐚𝐝... For he is the servant of God, an avenger 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐆𝐨𝐝'𝐬 𝐰𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐡 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐫. - Rom 13:2-4

The kind of governmental system ordained by God is for His kingdom to be established on earth. To do justice to the people --- good to good and justice to the wrongdoer.

In seeking the welfare of the nation, justice is the key. Throughout the Bible, we saw justice enforced. Where there was no justice, the kings/leadership were eventually taken out, so that godly kings/leadership could continue to enforce justice.

For time would fail me to tell of Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, of David and Samuel and the prophets — 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐟𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐡 conquered kingdoms, 𝐞𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐜𝐞𝐝 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞... - Heb 11:32-33

Praying for leadership in our nation is for the welfare and justice of our people in Singapore. This includes praying for godly leaders (regardless of political parties) and praying for new leadership to take over, should any leadership fail to enforce justice.

Ultimately, God's heart is for the people, not position. Our allegiance is towards no one but heaven's ruling party.

Kingdom-minded for Singapore

The church-minded will see leadership the church way.

The Kingdom-minded will see leadership the Kingdom way.

Both will individually think that they represent the heart of God accurately in praying for our leadership and nation.

On the one hand, the prayer will be about sustenance reflecting patience. On the other hand, the prayer will be about dominion reflecting heaven.

Throughout history, we have seen secular people walking out Kingdom-mindedness so that the nations are transformed. Our founding father LKY was such an example.

Last night, I was moved to tears watching many video clips of his speeches and many of the comments that followed. Many Singaporeans missed him deeply. We missed him as a secular 'kingdom' leader which Singapore is blessed to have had.

Many of us do not realise that LKY started as the Leader of the Opposition in 1950s. It eventually led to the betterment of Singapore.

Christians must not have allegiance to any leadership on earth but the Leader in heaven. In other words, we focus on Kingdom on earth, which has nothing to do with ruling or opposition parties.

We should not be complacent to think that we should live in the past. So many Singaporeans are suffering and struggling now. Compassion is not simply praying within the four walls. There must be passion to take action and push for the Kingdom's reality on earth.

Unfortunately, many non-believers seem to understand Kingdom principles more than Christians. This is why I'm thankful to see Mr Leong (a Christian) fighting in the Parliament. He demonstrates the heart of the Kingdom.

Unless one sees the Kingdom, one remains an institution.

Judging God

Abraham didn't judge God by His promises. He judged God by who He is.

Abraham's faith didn't rest on God's promises. If it was, he would not have offered up Isaac ---- the fulfilled promise of God. Instead, his faith rested on God's faithfulness.

We must not judge God's faithfulness based on His promises, though He has fulfilled them all. Instead, we must judge His promises based on His faithfulness.

When we see Him faithful, He sees us faith-full.