Homechurching

Pondering about homechurching since we have started homeschooling...

The idea of homeschooling has become more common in Singapore, but the idea of homechurching has yet to be grasped.

Since homeschooling does not mean that there is no social life, then homechurching does not mean there is no community life.

Perhaps those who are homeschooling their children can re-think about sending their kids to church institution. For the latter has no difference from sending children to educational institution.

Since homeschooling requires intentional social interactions and engagements, I believe homechurching will result in authentic community interactions and kingdom engagements.

It probably wasn’t a coincidence that my wife was teaching full-time in educational institution and I was working full-time in church institution.

Re-thinking Kingdom.

Answered Prayer: Growing Up

J has been sleeping on our bed since the day he was born. He was nursed until 5 years old. The intimate bonding he has with his mum is unbreakable.

God supernaturally weaned him in one day. Yes! It only took one day to wean a boy who had latched for 5 years. There was no withdrawal symptom on the following day.

I was intending to get him to sleep on his own (in his own room, instead of our bed) when he reaches 8.

However, he woke up few days ago and said to me suddenly, “Papa, I want to sleep in my own room now.”

Not only that, he began to take out his books to read on his own initiative every day.

The God who hears our prayer is the same God who lives in him, nudging and bringing about sudden changes that are beautiful and beyond comprehension.

P.S: When he wakes up, he will put the sign outside his door. 🤣🤣🤣

Guinness Book of World Record

I might get into Guinness world record for the number of times I’ve kissed him... probably an average of 40 times a day 😂

Presence

Tested my son after we set up the Christmas tree together.

“J, I give you two options. Choose one that you prefer.”

Option 1: Papa gets very busy at work, earns a lot of money and buys you plenty of toys that you like.

Option 2: Papa is not busy at work, so I can spend time with you, but you cannot have many toys.

He replied, “I want option 2. I don’t need many toys. I prefer Papa to be spending time and playing with me.”

As fathers, our presence is more important than our presents. Stop saying that you are working hard for the family; it’s actually for yourself and your own recognition.

Your greatest gift to your child is not what you can give him, but who you are to him.

Restoring The Lost

Restoring The Lost

J lost one of his ninja turtle’s mini nunchaku yesterday. He tried to find it but to no avail. During bedtime, he came to me and said, “Papa, can you pray and ask Jesus where the nunchaku is?”

I replied, “Why not you pray and ask Jesus where it is?”

He prayed and tried to hear God, but still didn’t manage to find it. After he slept, I went back to couch to search for it, but I couldn’t find either. 

I noticed that he had put all the ninja turtles on the arm of the couch. I searched and flipped all of them, but there was only one mini nunchaku on Michelangelo.

When J woke up this morning, he asked, “Papa, can you ask Jesus where the nunchaku is?”

I simply went out to the couch again and to my amazement, the second nunchaku was lying beside Michelangelo. I had checked with wifey and J. Both of them didn’t search for it.

In other words, Jesus Himself restored the lost nunchaku and put it beside Michelangelo. Such testimonies are not uncommon. But it’s a beautiful representation of the heart of the Father for my son.

Recognizing Answered Prayer

The tender-hearted boy was very thankful and said to me, “Papa, do you know that God answered my prayer that I prayed long time ago?”

Papa: What did you pray?

J: I prayed that God would give a good Christian friend. When I played with C downstairs, and he suddenly told me that he’s also a Christian, I know God answered my prayer.

These are little milestones that cultivate a heart of gratitude towards Him who shows Himself real and tangible to J.

Reflecting on how his heart is tender towards God really warms my heart.

Earlier, he heard an old Hillsong’s song of praise in the car for the first time and he exclaimed, “Do you know I like this song?!”

We asked, “Why do you like it?”

He answered, “Because this song is what I feel when I play with C.”

In His presence, there is fullness of joy. When he recognises that the gifts of God come from the Giver, there is joy abundance.

Community

Community starts where you are. You don’t build a community by gathering people from different geolocations and force them into one mould at a set time and a set structure. That’s not community. That’s communism.

Community starts by the foundation of relationships built in the most natural setting. No agenda. No set time. No set structure.

Children show us what community really is. The place of acceptance and belonging, regardless of race and language. They had issues with one another, but they forgave quickly and played together again.

Let the little children come to Me. Do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. If we want to understand community, be like children.

Fathering Space For Failures & Disobedience

Fathering Space For Failures & Disobedience

In my days of growing up, respect and obedience were central at home. We hardly showed disrespect to our parents, teachers and the elderly in the public. I was taught to obey more than questioning.

In modern parenting, it has swung to the other extreme. Kids were taught to question and get understanding, rather than obedience. As a result of the extreme, we are seeing a generation who do not have basic respect for the elders, because they think that they know better than the past generation.

With this in mind, I need to know how to hold a proper tension between the two when it comes to fathering my own son.

Does my son need to learn obedience, even when he doesn't have an answer or understanding? YES!

Does my son need to learn critical thinking and stay inquisitive by asking questions to get understanding? YES!

When do I know when do I need to impart one of the principles to him so that he holds a healthy tension between the two?

He is allowed to ask anything under the sun and question why we do what we do as long as it doesn't concern our direct instructions/commands for him.

I learnt that I have to create a fathering space for failures and disobedience at the home ground, so that he will learn true obedience. He can choose to obey or disobey my instructions. Based on his choice, he will learn either through obedience, or consequence.

Three days ago, he went down to play with his friends. I gave him an instruction to return by 6.50pm. I added, "If you return beyond the time, you will not go down on the next day." He nodded excitedly and said, "Okay!"

At 7.15pm, he wasn't back yet. I waited for him to return. When he finally came up, it was 7.25pm. So I said, "What time did Papa ask you to return?" He said, "6.50pm."

"What time is it now?"

He replied, "Because I forgot the time and I thought I could play longer."

When I told him that he would not be able to go down on the following day, he burst out crying. Cut the long story short, on the next day, he saw all his friends playing happily downstairs. With a sad face, he came to me a number of times, wanting to go down. I stood firm and answered, "I know you want to, but you have to be responsible for the consequence because of disobedience."

My wife added, "You didn't come back on time. What if someone takes you away and we do not know what has happened?" (She's giving understanding)

Save a child from consequence and he will never learn obedience. Jesus learnt obedience from the things He went through (Heb 5:8), but He did not question the One who loved Him.

Our child can learn to question authorities and anything else but not the direct instructions of his parents who love him. Only the ones who love him have the rights to get him to obey. For we are the earthly representation of the Father who loves us. Without love, we have no rights to get the kid to obey.

Is obedience important? Absolutely. But it is equally important to create a space for disobedience and failures at home, so that a child can learn obedience.

***LATEST***

Today, he went down to play with his friends. I didn’t give him a set time to come back. Around 6.50pm, he came up on his own.

A child learns obedience, either by obedience or consequence.

God wants to prosper you

God wants to prosper you.

He prospers you so that you can advance His kingdom, not for you to hoard and become wealthy in possessions.

Deut 8:18 doesn’t stop at God giving you the power/ability to get wealth. It ends in establishing His covenant which He gave to the fathers (Gen 12:1-3; in context with the Gospel of the Kingdom, Gal 3:8). The reason why God prospers you is that you can let the blessings flow to others to push the kingdom forward.

Since prosperity is very subjective for an individual —— depending on your background, culture, needs, wants, and country, etc., it cannot be about the amount of money you have or the things you own.

Prosperity is not about how much you have. It’s not about your possessions and your financial investment. It’s about how much God possesses you so that you trust Him for what you and others need. “The just shall LIVE by faith.” If you don’t live by faith, you don’t live by faith. 

Prosperity is about how much you can do whatever God wants you to do without worrying about the figures and numbers.

If you are a millionaire but you can’t do whatever God wants you to do (because you are calculating/weighing on the finances), you have a poverty mindset.

If you only have a few hundred or a few thousand dollars but you can do everything God wants you to do (because you trust Him to provide whatever is needed to accomplish the kingdom tasks), you are living in true prosperity.

The idea of prosperity has been pretty skewed by the modern churches when the kingdom part is omitted in Deut 8:18, and it becomes about self and accumulation of wealth. This is not Bible.

Financial Seed

Financial Seed

Over the past 5 years, I have been learning and growing in knowing the Father as my Provider. Each phase brought me deeper revelation of who He is. When I left the job with a monthly paycheck, finances have never been stable. I had to learn how to trust Him deeper.

In 2015, I stepped into something new at a considerably late stage (for the real estate industry because it was way easier to work in that industry before 2013). There was no clientele base. There was no referral. There was no networking (I left the network to go after parenting). Many people stay in a comfortable place to continue networking, not because God called them to, but because they know where money is. I have decided that God is my network when I left.

5 years of knowing Him as my Provider equipped me to step into the homeschooling journey, even when I wasn't ready for it financially. For we have decided that finances should not hinder the work of God. If it does, perhaps your god is your belly and it's the revelation of your love for money.

I'm still learning and growing to know Him as my Provider. In the area of healing, I have gone pretty deep. In the area of finances, I want to go as deep in knowing Him. Last night, I was meditating about 2 Cor 9:10.

I was driving to my client's place earlier. As I was driving, God dropped a thought into my mind about another ex-client, whom I had not kept in touch for a long time. So I texted her and told her to stay safe in God's protection during this time of uncertainty.

Then I reached my existing client's place and decided in my heart to sow into the client. And I wasn't even thinking about 2 Cor 9:10. It was just a desire to do so that came from my heart.

Within 1-2 minutes, my ex-client (whom I texted to ask her how she is) sent a text to inform me that she had transferred a sum of money to my PayNow just to bless me for my good services in the past. At first, I declined. But she insisted. 

Then it dawned on me that the Father was showing me His providence and the way of the kingdom. It's not a big sum, but I wanted to cry, because it's a face-to-face encounter.

There are so many testimonies I could talk about regarding His providence. They are not directly related to my work ------ i.e. You labour for the work and the work provides. No... it's often indirect so that I know and I know and I know that it is God.

If you work for something, and that something yields finances, you can say, "God provides!" which is still true (for He gives you the ability to produce wealth), but you don't see His miraculous providence. When it is 'indirect' from your direct labour, you see the beautiful hand and heart of God providing as your loving Father.

Disclaimer: I'm not advocating laziness. If you don't work, you get nothing. It's in Proverbs.

What you sow is what you reap. This is the basic principle of the kingdom. And the motivation must come from knowing Him as our Father who provides.

Obedience VS Why’s

Recently, J has been disciplined a number of times for delayed obedience.

Disclaimer: Discipline does not equate to spanking. We separate the two so that J knows the Koh’s dictionary.

As he’s a curious boy, he loves to ask the “why’s”. There is a place for asking, but there is also a place for obedience.

Not everything requires understanding (why) BEFORE obedience. For the latter is about trusting in the one who loves him more.

In the past, parenting focused on obedience. In the modern parenting, everything is focused on answering the “why’s”. Both taken to the extreme are equally unhelpful.

If a child doesn’t learn to obey his parents despite not knowing the “why’s”, he will refuse to obey God when he doesn’t understand. The kingdom often requires obedience before understanding.

Trust His love -> Obey -> Receive Understanding.

In the Koh’s family, we like to get J to obey first, before we give him understanding.

P.S: Taken from Jesus Storybook Bible. I like this children’s book because every story points to Jesus, instead of the traditional bible heroes.

Fathering Is Simply Discipleship

Fathering Is Simply Discipleship

Discipleship is intentional. It doesn’t happen on its own. It takes time, effort and energy to do what is necessary, including discipline.

If we don’t disciple our own child, the world, or rather, the devil will.

It is easier to learn than to unlearn. My wife and I had to teach J to unlearn a number of things which he learnt from his peers in childcare, including plenty of singlish and even phrase like “What the hell” (well, one of his childcare mates loved to say it regularly). Thank God he has unlearnt that.

The law of first mention leaves a significant impact and impression in the life of a child. As parents, we want to be the first to teach him important stuff before the world gets to him.

Most of the children in Singapore spend more time in the world (due to educational institution), which means that parents need to work even harder to teach their kids to unlearn. 

What seems to be more comfortable (“Give me a break, my child. Phew! You are in school and I can do my own things.”) actually demands more intentional discipleship, since there isn’t extended parenting available.

I am a strong advocate for homeschooling, as you probably already know. This decision is one that requires us to pay a price. It costs us in so many ways but nothing costs as much as our own child and the kingdom.

Will our child turn out well because of homeschooling? We can only trust God as we steward the gift He has given. Ultimately, the child has free will and his own responsibility. We cannot decide where he should go. But we can decide where he should start.

Giving him a good start in the kingdom life is simply our responsibility and our assignment as his disciplers, teachers and parents. How he continues the journey and how he ends is his responsibility and his assignment before God, whom he is answerable in the Last Day.

Mind Renewal Through Scriptures

J has been tasked to memorise a useful verse everyday after he has copied the bible verses sequentially.

He will have to recite daily every verse which he has memorised for the past 7 days. This empowers him to utilise the front part of his brain regularly in order to optimise his memory power.

At the same time, it brings about mind renewal, where the process of repetition and deliberation is required.

I’m really glad that he has the time and capacity to do so, because he is not weighed down by school work. That’s the power of homeschooling.

If the Kingdom is our priority, then our actions (including parenting) have to show that. Otherwise, it is just mere talking. As a father, my spiritual ceiling must be my son’s floor. It is the father’s responsibility to disciple his own son, not the church, nor the society. Don’t even throw it to the mother, because a mother’s role is different and she cannot fulfill the father’s role.

Fathers, we need to arise and stop looking for recognition elsewhere (not from the church ministry; not from the pulpit; not from the spiritual achievements; definitely not from the corporate world).

Someone said, “You can be a hero to the whole world, but if you are a zero to your son, you are still a zero.”

Because Of Unbelief

Because Of Unbelief

Recently, I have been training J to think, "If you believe, it will be done."

A number of incidents took place and I kept saying to him, "If you believe, it will be done."

It came to a point where he kept saying it regardless of the situation. It reached a place where he had more faith to believe in a situation than me.

And I learnt something from him.

Faith has nothing to do with an amount. Faith is not the issue. It is not the problem when the mountain doesn't move. Since the Bible doesn't talk about the amount of faith, it's not about how much faith you grow into.

Jesus only said, "Oh you of little faith" to the Jews. But He said, "Great faith" to the Gentiles. The former is about lacking trust in Him by people who were supposed to be in a relationship with Him. The latter is about having trust in Him by people who were alienated from Him. Read also Matt 8:26 (to Jewish readers) VS Mark 4:40 (to Gentile readers), which differentiates what Jesus said to people who were in covenant with Him VS not in covenant with Him.

Both cases do not apply to us, since we are a new creation and the epistles do not talk about little or great faith.

The moment when we are in Christ, we have been dealt with a measure of faith (Rom 12:3). The word 'measure' can also mean 'standard'. Since God is impartial, He gives each one a standard of faith. For the Bible doesn't say that He gives each one DIFFERENT amount of faith.

Since faith as small as the mustard seed can move mountains, and that we have been given a standard of faith, every believer has enough faith to move mountains.

My son didn't have to GROW in faith. He already has. He surpassed me quickly when it comes to the principle "If you believe, it is done."

WHY? Because as a child, he has LESS unbelief than me. Unbelief is learnt. It is not what you are born with. Life, in general, has taught us unbelief.

This is why Jesus told His disciples, "Because of your unbelief" (Matt 17:20). See also Matt 21:21 and James 1:6-7. We don't have to work on GROWING our faith. We already have.

We need to work on REMOVING unbelief. That’s what mind renewal is for (Romans 12:2). Unbelief comes from wrong belief (life experiences and wrong teachings). The more we get unbelief out of the way, the more God can have His Way through us. #revelation #unbelief #Jtaughtmetruths

Amazing Strength

Amazing Strength

My wife and I had difficulty opening a cabinet drawer where our important documents are locked in.

No matter how much strength and methods we used to try to open it, we couldn’t. So we left it as it is for a period of time.

When I was in my room earlier, J went to tell my wife, “Mama, let me try to open. I can open it.”

Mama: If Papa and I can’t open, how can you open it?

J: I can open it. Just ask Jesus lor.

My wife left him alone in the room to figure it out.

Suddenly, he exclaimed, “Mama, I did it! It’s open!”

Mama: How did you do it?!!!

J: I asked Jesus.

Well, we were blown away. There was no way we could open it, but The Way has shown the little one the way to open it.

Do not despise the youth (the little children). For the kingdom belongs to such as these. Jesus!

P.S: We are glad that Jesus does not equate to Sundays and church services for him. Jesus is the Way of life.

P.P.S: Apparently, before he went to open the cabinet drawer, he did his journal earlier in the morning and Jesus told him, “Kids can be smarter than adults.” 😱😱

P.P.P.S: He said that Jesus told him to put some weight (downwards) on the edge of the drawer and pull it out simultaneously. It turned out to be effortless for him, while the father and the mother exerted with all their might but failed to pull it out. We almost wanted to get a locksmith.