Homeschooling Journeying Part 7

Yay God! It’s finally approved today!

Application for Homeschooling today is tougher than the past. For those who are considering to do homeschooling, it would be good to put it into action. We can foresee that it will only become tougher to apply in the years to come.

All credits go to Jesus and my wife. She handled the rigorous interview so well when the officer came down to question her approaches and know-hows of the customised curriculum. We were told that some had to be interviewed a few times without approval because they simply cut & paste curriculum without knowing their own specific purpose and objective.

The primary school was calling us to get our child to report to school on 2 January and to collect his name tag. Unless we have the homeschooling approval, they want us to send our child to school (but we won’t 😂).

So on 2 January, we will be having fun at homeschooling picnic connecting with homeschooling families. Woo hoo!

This calls for a celebration!

A Child Must Be Motivated By Love, Not Fear

A Child Must Be Motivated By Love, Not Fear

In recent times, I found myself getting frustrated trying to get my message across to my son. It was way easier when he was young. At the age of 6, the nature of Adam has never been clearer than before. With a strong mind of his own, he will question, contend and decide if he should follow what I say.

Some kids, especially girls, are born to be submissive and follow the parents more easily. There are always two sides of a coin.

To look on the positive side, J definitely has leadership qualities. Having a strong mind is one indication of leadership as he is not easily moved by varying opinions. On the other hand, it also breeds disobedience (or delayed obedience), which must be trained from young.

Some train their kids obedience by using the cane, and/or scolding and/or punishment. This induces fear, which is not the way of our Father in heaven. Even if the child learns immediate obedience through those methods, the means does not justify the end. For we are imparting a wrong value to train obedience.

Personally, I believe that the Father always trains by love. While I do not always represent the perfect Father accurately, I was recently disturbed by the challenge to get my son listen and move according to what I say —— obedience before reasoning. It boils down to the word ‘trust’. There were times when I found myself raising my voice to get the message across. This is definitely not the right approach. It only shows that I lost control of my authority. 

Any parent who shouts / raises voice at their child reveals the inability to correctly appropriate their authority.

With this nudging my heart, I looked to the Father. A thought came to my mind and I decided to use it.

“J, if you think that Papa doesn’t love you, you can choose to do what you want. But if you think that I love you, listen to me.” He responded immediately with “okay” without reasoning and argument. This has been working thus far, because he knows that I love him.

Love is and must be the motivation for obedience.

You don’t really need to grow in the power of patient love when you are out there in the missions field, healing the sick and preaching the Gospel. But fathering will challenge us to represent Him more accurately each day, because it reveals our imperfection and the need to grow in this pursuit of godliness.

Jesus said, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth...” When all authority that is given to me is used for love, love becomes the greatest authority to move anyone. #fathering101

Homeschooling Journey Part 6

Homeschooling Journey Part 6

It is getting closer to the reality of homeschooling where the journey ahead is unknown yet exciting.

The CE Officer will be coming this week to do a home assessment and interview (about 2-3 hours) for our homeschooling application. There is no revision needed for the curriculum thus far. Pray for us to clear the last lap and get the approval as soon as possible.

We have gotten the shelves ready, as well as some books for J to begin his learning journey. This evening, he read 5 new books aloud (both fiction & non-fiction). Our hope is that he continues to cultivate the desire to read and learn. The day you stop reading is the day you stop learning.

On hearing that I would be embarking on homeschooling for my son, a non-believing friend (whom I seldom keep in touch with) called. He said, “Among all my friends, I realise that you are the one who really surprises me and the one who takes the most interesting road that is so different from majority.”

He asked, “So I’m curious... are you doing all okay financially to step into this?”

I replied, “I’m not there yet. But we have decided that finances cannot be the determining factor for our child’s learning journey.”

He said, “I know you. 你是打不死的.”

I grabbed this opportunity to share various stuff as well as some testimonies on why I chose homeschooling. Then I shared about my personal healing and Jesus, which intrigued him to talk about the subject of faith because he recently visited Vatican City.

I know God is drawing him as he enters the process of searching for relief and faith. I’ve sent him my book as his immediate boss is going through some health challenges.

I realise that the decision(s) we make not just have an impact on us. It also has an impact on others who are looking from afar. People want to know why you do what you do, especially when it differs from the majority. This is when we can give an answer to the Hope that we have and the reason why we alter our lives from taking the common path to walk in a path that requires faith, courage and boldness.

As believers, we need to walk out what we believe instead of simply saying. If we say that we believe in Him for our child’s education, but we are as kiasu as the world’s approach, then we have allowed the culture of the world to penetrate and change the culture of the kingdom within us. We either demonstrate heaven on earth or we don’t. There is no middle ground.

And may we not relegate heaven on earth to just miracles, signs and wonders. Heaven on earth is in every aspect of our practical living, which includes a child’s education. #homeschooling101

Homeschooling Journey Part 5

My wife has finally submitted the full curriculum. Yay! This calls for a celebration for the hard work and time she put in. Next, we'll need to prepare the room for home visitation once the curriculum is approved. Apparently, the requirement for this 6-year curriculum thingy only started not long ago. Application for homeschooling today has indeed become tougher than the past.

I received a call from the primary school where we had declined the vacancy. The admin staff said, "It's the first time we encounter someone declining the vacancy to go for homeschooling. So we are also not very sure what to do initially." She told us that we still needed to go down and fill up the forms. Thus, I brought J to go and take a look at the school environment. In a nutshell, he said, "I still prefer to be homeschooled." 

I mean... which child doesn't like homeschooling?

Last night, J was pretty upset with some stuff. This morning, he recounted the reason as his eyes grew teary. To protect the external party, I won't be sharing the details here.

But this makes me think that it is worth the sacrifice for homeschooling. It will not be easy peasy for parents to choose this road. But it will be beneficial for the child.

A number of people have told me this.... "It is better for the child to face the reality of this world. He eventually has to... so why would you want to take him out of this society? Just put him in."

I personally think that this perspective is not well thought out.

Will you put a baby in the streets to survive on its own, since he will still be walking in the streets one day?

Will you put someone in the battlefield without first training him to war?

Will you put a new believer in a dark environment without giving him any foundation of who God is?

I think you get the point. A child is defenceless when it comes to the internal. His heart is innocent, tender and sensitive. This is why if you bruise a child's heart early in life, he will struggle a big deal when he grows up. There are many adults today with major 'heart' (internal) issues who still behave like a child. Research in psychology will tell you that an adult with mental/emotional challenges usually faced some kind of trauma or was wounded when he was a child. Yes, God can do the supernaturally to heal, etc. 

But for many, it is too late (or rather extremely difficult) to deal with it when the child has grown up. Don't mistake academic success as true success. If we can't lead our hearts and direct the internal, it is not true success. When the heart is not built properly, no matter how high you go in the corporate world, you will fall greatly.

A child's early years of development is the time for us to build him up in foundations, especially in identity. When he is geared up, he will be ready to be sent out into the world and the society to face the battle and harsh reality. It does not mean that he won't be hurt in the process, but he has his heart better trained and values better shaped to overcome the challenges.

A child is God's gift to us. What we do with the child is about stewardship. How do we steward what God has given to us?

At the end of the day, God is not just looking at how great your ministry is or how successful you are in your work. He is going to ask, "As a father, what have you done with the child I have given you?" This is what we have to account for. #homeschooling101

A Wave Of Change ---- Election 2021

This is off fathering topic but it came when I was with J...

Recently, I played some old NDP songs with videos for J to watch so that he has a glimpse of how the little red dot has changed over the past 50 years.

As I listened to the old songs such as "We Are Singapore", I couldn't help but experienced a wave of sadness in my heart, even though I am not of the Pioneer or Merdeka generation. I can't speak for all, but I can speak from my perspective.

Singapore has lost her identity and the spirit that the first generation of leadership had. I wonder if things have to always go downhill by the second generation, in this case, the leadership. This is not uncommon among believers too.

In 2016, more than 40% of Singaporeans (who took the survey) said that they would want to migrate to other countries. More than 20% said that they were unsure. The remaining 30% said they would stay. I believe the number of those who want to migrate has increased by now.

There are many reasons but the main two reasons are as follows:

1) Wanting a transparent government (more than 70% said that)

2) High cost of living (more than 50% said that)

There is a difference between a generation who fought from the place of survival and a generation who has an inheritance without the need to fight for anything. The former identifies with their people aka Singaporeans; the latter identifies with growth. I'm not saying that either one is better. But I do think that there is a place to marry both (and if only one can be chosen due to a forced situation, people must always come first). That's servant leadership.

Alot of foreigners and PRs think that we as Singaporeans are being ungrateful. I think it's too quick to make that superficial or holier-than-thou judgment. Until we stand in the shoes of those who are struggling, we will never understand how much 'slavery' is masked in our nation. Crazy Rich Asians do not mean true wealth in our body and soul. We are far from that.

The fight is not against flesh and blood. It is against another kingdom at work through our gahmen. It is a yoke upon our people to prevent us from being the Antioch City. We are enslaved in such a subtle way that we do not even realise that we are running the rat race without purpose. 

The world looks at us and applauds. But we look within and realise that we are one of the most unhappy people in the world. It is noted that "a society’s unhappiness level is not related to how poor it is, but rather how big the gap is between the ‘haves’ and ‘have nots’."

A report in 2011 reveals that Singaporeans are the least positive people in the world among 148 countries. The constant state of anxiety has put us in that place.

Another report found that non-fatal diseases for young Singaporeans from 10 to 34 years old in 2017 were largely driven by MENTAL DISORDERS. In that report, an average Singaporean spends 12.5% or more than 10 years of his life in ill-health.

We are known to show the best for what is on the exterior and hide the mess for what is on the interior. Show-and-tell is probably one of our strongest 'gifts'. I was in the military sector for 6 years. And my family has those in civil service for more than few decades combined together. Ask us how we know. 

After an extended period of reign, people will always be a reflection of their leaders. Why are Singaporeans like that (singlish)? Just look up and you have the answer.

Disclaimer: Granted. We still have the power of choice not to succumb to the ways of majority. But it is not as easy for everyone because not everyone starts from the same-level playing field.

In the Scriptures, we are clearly commanded to submit to authorities. Some mistook submission as blind obedience. Of course, rebellion is witchcraft and that's a totally different story altogether. While it is necessary that we (as believers) honour our leaders in the nation of Singapore, it does not mean that we cannot challenge (or question) the thoughts and ways through proper means. 

Election is one proper platform that is created for such purpose. We must not think that all in the opposition parties are bad. Neither should we think that all in the ruling party are good. To perceive it in either one way or the another is being naive. There are good and bad ones in any party but that's not the point. The point is... who is FOR Singapore?

If those in either parties are FOR Singapore, then we must welcome BOTH. It is never 'either or'. It is both!

I have heard people using United States as a warning against democracy. Again, that's making an assumption without considering that Singapore is not United States and will never be the same because of cultural differences and so many other factors. Just take a look at Taiwan ---- they are different from United States. Why don't we compare with the good stuff in Taiwan and progressively move towards democracy? The point here is not about comparison. Don't point to one country that is bad but overlook the other that is good.

I'm sensing a wave of change coming... for the good of our nation. Leadership is appointed by God, but it doesn't mean that God cannot replace leadership. We have been praying one-sided prayers instead of asking God to take the reign. (Disclaimer: I'm not saying that the party is changing.)

There are a few things that PSP Mr Tan said that are obvious and we cannot deny them.

The 79-year old former PAP MP said, "I believe the processes of good governance have gone astray. I worry because I see the foundations of good governance eroding."

Some said that we need to question the motives of Mr Tan, since he was probably upset with the policy that disempowered him to go for Presidential Election. But I think that as believers, we need to let God judge the motives. We are only called to judge the fruit. In the same way, it doesn't mean that those in the ruling party always have pure motives. We don't know and we don't need to know.

We must not confuse the ruling party with Singapore. Neither should we assume that opposition parties are opposing Singapore. Singapore does not belong to any political party. Besides, I'm not for any party except for the heavenly one. Joke aside. We should be supporting anyone who is FOR Singapore, particularly for our people. Because everybody wins when the goal is all about One People, One Nation, One Singapore.

In the words of our Finance minister who said that "Singapore's tax system must remain progressive", our political system and leadership should also remain progressive. Majulah Singapura!

Homeschooling Journey Part 4

Homeschooling Journey Part 4

Today is supposed to be J’s P1 Admin Day in one of the top schools. It boasts to have one of the best academic foundations in the country. While it is purely by the grace of God that we got a vacancy in Phase 2C without doing anything (except being kinda forced to apply for P1), we dropped the whole idea of following our traditional education system.

Wifey is about 80% done with the preparation of a 6-year homeschooling curriculum which is required to be submitted to the CE department for approval. We are thankful that the officer seems to be pleased with what she has shown him thus far.

One of the main strong reasons for homeschooling is to impart the culture and values we want to see in our son. Academic is important but it is never the priority in our eyes as his parents. I have personally seen many young people who are great in academic results but don’t know what basic respect is. The way they talk to their parents and elders require some slapping (no violence intended 😂)

The value of respect has been greatly lost in the new generation. Teachers are no longer respected by the children because the children did not learn respect from home. 

With the stress of life and the high cost of living in our nation, we have many parents who give presents but are not actively present. The gift of Presence supersedes any gift or present. It is definitely not easy to live in SG in today’s context but there are still deliberate choices we can make. Our priority, therefore, is our responsibility. We decide by what we choose to honour and what we choose to sacrifice. 

When I look from eternity’s perspective, I understood why we are never told to build up treasures/riches on earth. Because we cannot bring these to the other world. 

The reality is this... what we do now has an impact on eternity. Therefore, we need to choose wisely.

There are wide road and narrow path. The latter is never easy because nobody likes to be uncomfortable. As for me and my household, we will align to the culture above and not the culture beneath.

J is coming to 7 years old in less than 3 months. I’m proud that he doesn’t know how to use an iPhone/iPad, except a little scrolling and a little typing because of being exposed by his pre-school teachers. Most people may think that this is not good, because he doesn’t know technology, which is a must in this modern society. But we have a very different perspective.

We rather that he builds on social intelligence and grows in communication. Foundations are vital. Technological skills can be trained later in life. The new generation today doesn’t know how to communicate actively. We must not blame it on the new gen or the society. We need to take responsibility for what we did not cultivate as parents.

Homeschooling may be going against the usual flow. But it is worth a different flow. #homeschoolingjourney101

Majority Doesn’t Mean Morality

Majority Doesn’t Mean Morality

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Squeezed and swarmed by at least a thousand of motorbikes in the car lane. We were so trapped that we had to move very slowly. They kept honking and staring at us as though they were right.

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We took this opportunity to give J a teachable moment. We said, “J, majority does not mean morality.”

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We explained, “Even when everyone around you is saying and doing what they think is right, it doesn’t mean that they are right. Only what is in the Bible is right and true.”

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“Not only this... people can even oppress you and make you think that you are wrong, and that they are right, because you are the only odd one out... but you must not follow them (even if all are doing the same). You follow Jesus. Do you understand?”

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J nodded and said, “Yes.”

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Our society doesn’t have the clear line of rights and wrongs. The line has been blurred in many ways. The enemy uses that to oppress you when you go against the 99% majority. But I believe that God is looking for the one who remains steadfast and immovable in His truth.

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Homeschooling Journey Part 3

Homeschooling Journey Part 3

The deadline for submitting 6 years of curriculum overview is approaching. My wife has been working on it despite that she’s feeling tired after a full day’s work. So proud of her!

Recently, we taught J multiplication timetable and double-digit addition through playing of pick-up sticks.

Instead of having to memorise multiplication timetable in primary school, we used various colours from the sticks for him to do multiplication while playing. He learnt multiplication for 2s, 3s and 5s.

Collating the points requires double-digit addition such as 32 + 25 —- according to my wife, this is a P2 Math syllabus. But through play, J learnt how to mentally add 32 + 25 = 57 without writing on a piece of paper. He enjoyed himself playing pick-up sticks and learning Mathematics through play.

At the same time, he learnt the value of integrity and honesty when the pick-up stick moves.

Instead of sitting in a classroom setting memorising the boring Mathematics timetable and double-digit addition, we use play and real life situations to teach Mathematics.

This is what homeschooling can do. We look forward to having him enjoy learning English, Math, Science, etc. through various activities and real life examples so that learning is both practical and fun, instead of studying for the sake of studying. #homeschoolingjourney

Fathering with the Father

J didn’t enter the lift with us, despite that my wife called him a few times. We waited in the lift and the door automatically closed. After we pressed the button for the door to open, we realised that J already went up on his own by another lift.

This incident demanded for a proper discipline.

We sat J in the reflection corner after he had taken his shower. We asked, “J, why didn’t you enter the lift with us? Mama called you many times but you didn’t listen.”

J: Because I wasn’t focused.

Papa: Why were you not focused?

J: I don’t know.

Papa: Now speak in tongues for a moment. Close your eyes and ask Jesus to show you why you were not focused.

He prayed in tongues and asked.

J: It’s because I didn’t want to go into the lift.

Papa: Why didn’t you want to enter the lift? Ask Jesus to show you why you didn’t want to.

He prayed and said, “Because I wanted to test Papa and Mama. But both of you went up without me. I’m so upset.”

Papa: We didn’t go up without you. The door closed automatically but we had it opened quickly. We came out of the lift and you were gone. What if someone took you away from us?

Papa: Would Papa and Mama ever leave you?

J: No.

Papa: Would we ever go off without you?

J: No.

By now, his eyes were teary.

Papa: Do we love you?

J: Yes.

Papa: Do you trust us?

J: Yes.

He broke down in tears and said, “I’m sorry Papa.”

It is way more powerful to involve the Father in our fathering. It brings about the conviction of the Holy Spirit and the goodness of God that brings a child to repentance. #fathering101

Homeschooling Journey Part 2

As shared in the first post, the purpose of documenting this journey is to encourage and help those who are thinking about homeschooling your children. There were a lot of things we didn't know how to go about doing it. As such, we want to reduce the obstacles (as much as possible) so that this becomes a "simpler" decision for some to make.

Few days back, I spoke to a neighbour and she shared that she had been trying hard to apply to be a parent's volunteer in Northland Primary. However, she was rejected. Her son is only 5 years old. This is the typical life of Singaporean parent, if you want your child to be in a good school.

Apparently, her friend also tried to get her kid into the same school, but didn't manage to. So when this neighbour found out that we have gotten a vacancy in this school (without doing anything except being forced to apply for P1 registration), she kept encouraging me to put my son in the school and not waste this golden opportunity. For many wanted to get in and they couldn't.

Many will say that God has opened the door for us. For it is assumed that what is of God is easy and effortless. I beg to differ, because it is not found in the Scriptures and it is not always true. Let me submit to you that the enemy can open many doors to distract you too.

In the face of temptation, what do you choose?

We should not be moved by what we see. We must move by what we believe. Our purpose and values become the cornerstone of our choices. These are what keep us unchanging, unwavering, unshakeable, steadfast and immovable.

My wife has informed her school. This is one of the toughest moves. We have also been assigned with an infamous guy from the 'you-know-what' department to evaluate and approve our homeschooling process. We found out from the homeschooling community that he's pretty famous in making it tough for people to apply homeschooling. Nonetheless, in the face of challenge, what do you choose?

There is a requirement to prepare a 6 years' worth of curriculum as one of the application processes. This is crazy but it is necessary.

We have gone to IKEA to get some furniture to prepare a room for homeschooling. This, too, will be assessed as part of the requirement.

On top of that, we’ll need to get plugged into a homeschooling community soon, so that we can support one another and live lives together as families.

Please Pray for us as my wife writes out the curriculum before the deadline for submission. #homeschoolingjourney

Confronting Fears

He pulled me to the dragon ride... he actually wanted to go for the small dragon ride, but we went to the wrong queue —— big dragon rollercoaster.

He was silent throughout the fast-moving ride. At the end of the ride, his face turned a little green and he almost cried. 

I carried him up and patted him, “What a brave boy you are! When Papa was 6, I didn’t dare to go for this.”

When he saw his mummy, he said, “Mama, I’m a brave boy. Papa said he didn’t dare to go for this kind of ride when he was 6 years old.”

In the face of fears, we can undo what a child went through emotionally by affirming what he has overcome. #fathering101

Homeschooling Journey Part 1

Homeschooling Journey Part 1

A few years back, the whole idea of homeschooling came into my mind as I left full-time church ministry to focus on fathering my son in his foundation years. I attended a number of homeschooling seminars and joined a couple of homeschooling co-ed groups’ activities. After engaging with the children, teens and young adults who were homeschooled, I was convinced that homeschooling is a powerful way of educating a child in character and important values. These homeschooling children and youths displayed maturity and social skills that are beyond their peers. Some think that homeschooling results in poor social skills. It is, in fact, on the contrary. That is a backward thinking. Many of the homeschooling kids can hold a conversation really well as they are used to interacting with people of different ages.

Fast forward to 2019... my wife, who is also a trained teacher with many years of experience, began to come into agreement with what I think about homeschooling. Now she is convicted about it.

The phrase that has been stuck in my mind is this, “Homeschooling is extended parenting.” It’s a beautiful thing to homeschool, because the child will spend more time with the parents than the school, and be built up in his foundational values and identity, before he is sent out into the world to face the challenges.

This has not been an easy decision. It takes a lot out of our comfort zone to decide on homeschooling. While some have a lot of support at home as well as finances to jump into homeschooling without much thoughts, we don’t fall into that category. My wife will need to quit her teaching job to stay at home.

It is way easier and comfortable to send J to Primary school. It makes life much more convenient for my wife and me. However, living a life with purpose is never about choosing what is comfortable. Faith is about stepping out of the familiar and stable boat into the uncharted waters, where there is uncertainty, discomfort and the unknown, so that we can place our trust in the certainty of God who is also our true Comforter. The journey of homeschooling is not going to be easy, but we have decided to choose what is beneficial for our son instead of our own comfort.

I really appreciate my wife for taking yet another journey of faith with me (we have always been quite different from the mainstream) and for making a huge sacrifice —— she cannot be allowed to go back to teach in MOE school after she resigns.

Applying for homeschooling hasn’t been smooth-sailing. We faced some challenges from ‘you-know-who’. They have been trying to dissuade us from applying for it. In fact, they refused to give us the application form when we requested for it. To move out of mainstream puts you in the minority and that is definitely not advised nor encouraged in our nation. However, we have long decided to pursue the kingdom of God regardlessly, and this includes education. You just cannot compartmentalize Christianity. It is either all or none.

Through the phone interviews, we were told that we MUST register J for Primary One, before the homeschooling application form can be released to us. (Later, we found out from the homeschooling community that this is not true!)

Given that we had no choice, we went ahead to apply for Northland Primary, one of the top two schools in Yishun. We don’t believe in ‘pulling strings’ to get into a school or doing parents’ volunteers, because the motive of the latter is usually not that you want to genuinely serve, but that you just want a vacancy in the school for your child. Anyway, this is just our personal conviction.

Before the result was out, we found out that out of 80 over vacancies for Phase 2C (the last phase for a child to apply into primary school during registration period), there were close to 300 applications for Northland. My wife did a check and discovered that apart from Northland and Nan Chiau (Sengkang), no other school in SG has such high ratio of applicants to vacancies.

Does that mean that this is an open door from God? Well, it is not necessary true. There is another realm at work to open a few doors for you if you don’t remain immovable. What is good can stop you from what is God.

We decided to give this golden opportunity a miss, so that we can continue to pursue what is better for J. Finally, after a couple of phone interviews with the ‘you-know-who’, they released the homeschooling application form to us.

There are still various hurdles to cross before we can begin homeschooling officially. Please pray with us that we will get the approval. In recent two years, the criteria have changed and become tougher than the past.

We only have one life on this side of eternity. Hence, we need to steward it and make the most impact for the kingdom, and it has to start from the family.

I’m sharing and will be sharing this whole journey of homeschooling (and this is only the beginning) so that those who are in similar shoes and situations can be encouraged as well as to go after what God has put in your hearts concerning homeschooling. It is never too late to do it. Jesus!

Differentiating The Voices

J said, “Papa, do you know that I have been praying for the whole world to be saved?”

Papa: (I didn’t know) That’s a powerful prayer!

After a while, he continued.

J: Papa... I heard satan. I’m not going to listen to him.

Papa: What did he say?

J: He said “Don’t believe in God.” That’s satan.

Papa: You are absolutely right. Don’t listen to him.

J: (Paused) I heard Jesus now.

Papa: What did he say?

J: Jesus said “I love you.”

Papa: That’s right.

Don’t underestimate what you impart to your child and don’t think that they are too young to understand the voice of God and how to differentiate between the thoughts in their head. The same Holy Spirit in us is the same Holy Spirit in them, who teaches them concerning all things.

Holy Spirit Fathering Part 2

I was disciplining J in the car last night. I asked him to pray and reflect, and asked Jesus what happened.

He said, "Jesus said that I was disrespectful to Papa."

I said, "Now you pray and ask Him to give you a picture."

He prayed and said, "Papa, is it any picture?"

Papa: Yes.

J: I saw a pair of spectacles.

Papa: Can you ask Jesus what it meant?

J: Jesus said that I need to be thankful. People in other countries don't even have what I have.

Papa: That's right. Jesus showed you spectacles because you are seeing with limitation. You can't see how blessed you already are compared to other people. But you are a thankful boy, so you can be thankful. If you are thankful, you will see well.

We need to train the next generation (especially our own children) to hear God so that they can respond to Him when we are not there for them. We can't be there for them forever. But God the Father will never leave nor forsake them. #fathering101

Holy Spirit Fathering Part 1

J has great memory capability. He literally ‘thrashed’ my wife playing the memory cards. Proud with his ability, he came and challenged me to play the memory cards with him.

He said, “Papa, I have very good memory. Let’s see who will win. But you cannot pray in tongues.” He meant that I should not rely on the Holy Spirit to help me remember.

I replied, “Why can’t I depend on the Holy Spirit?”

J: No. You cannot. You have to depend on your brain (he meant memory).

Papa: I prefer not to depend on myself. I want to depend on the Holy Spirit. We should never depend on our own ability.

J: Alright.

Throughout the game, I intentionally spoke in tongues so that he learnt about dependence upon the Spirit.

The outcome? I ‘thrashed’ him and won the game. Of course, with my memory, it would not be possible. But with the Spirit, nothing is impossible.

J was humbled by the power of the Holy Spirit, as he learnt that God is greater than his ability. #fathering101

Cultivating The Heart of The Next Generation

J asked me about satan, lucifer, heaven, earth, angels and hell earlier, which inspired me to write this post.

When I shared with him that satan is the father of lies, and that lying is to follow his nature, he replied, "Lies are like fire, and truth is like water." Well, this blew my mind away, coming from a 6-year old. My wife said, "This must be God teaching him, because nobody ever taught him this."

Then he was pretty worried knowing what would happen when Christ returns. So he requested to pray for some family members to know Christ. He added, "Mei**** is my best friend in school. She must know Him." And we prayed together. It was the first time I saw such fervor, earnestness and urgency he had to commit these people in prayer. That really touched my heart and reminded me why I left full-time church ministry.

The test of ministry is not the ministry without, but the ministry within. By that, I mean our family. It is often easy to do ministry out there, but not necessary within the family. Family is the revelation of our walk, not just our talk.

Women have no problem putting family first. But most men have such problem and we need to learn. I had to learn it too. The main issue with men lies with the need to have achievements out there in the world. And we are not just talking about non-believers. Many believing men are the same. Only the context has changed, from striving in the worldly things to striving in the spiritual things. The need to produce results and achievements in the spiritual context is the revelation of the Fall and the root of insecurity, without proper fathering of the heart.

So one can be a spiritual giant in the eyes of many, but still be driven by insecurity because of a lack of fathering. In fact, many heroes of faith struggled with this, resulting in them pursuing spiritual position and popularity in the spiritual world. Nothing has changed much since times past. Men are still working for recognition in the church.

The first Adam during the Fall showed us the failure in protecting his family (Eve) by focusing on the tasks on his hand. But the last Adam showed us the success in protecting His family (the world and the church) by laying down His life, His popularity, His fame, His achievements (plenty of miracles), etc.

Christ Himself has given us a model to follow (Eph 5:25; 1 Tim 3:4-5). And the criteria to judge if a person is able to take on spiritual leadership is always FAMILY.

It is with this and the message that God spoke to me before I left full-time church ministry, that drove me to realise the highest call of men, first and foremost, is to be a father (for those who are married with kids), because God is our FATHER. This is a tough message to hear because men cannot accept the role of a father... it is one that has little recognition in the world as compared to their achievements. Most of us men want to be heroes out there, but our family prefers us to be heroes at home. If we are heroes to the world but zeroes at home, we have missed the whole important thing.

I love signs and wonders. But signs and wonders are not the key to resolve social problems. Take a look at Indonesia and some other nations and you will know what I meant. In fact, just look at our own nation and you cannot deny that while miracles can lead people to know Christ, they cannot disciple the hearts, especially of the next generation. Read the book of Corinthians - the carnal believers who moved in powerful signs and wonders.

If we want to impact the society, we must cultivate the heart of the next generation. And it begins right at home --- your own children. #fathering101

Recognition / Significance

Everyone desires significance, or rather, recognition. To say that you don’t need recognition is to lie and deceive yourself. Some ministers say that they don’t need recognition, but their actions prove otherwise. Talk is always cheap, because what you do (not what you say) proves what you believe.

A need for recognition/significance from people is the revelation of a lack of fathering.

J began to understand this after many repeated lessons I gave him. Just one day ago, he told me that he was the first to finish his artwork in school and it was put up by his teacher. After affirming him, I asked, “Did you compare and tell your friends how good you are?”

He replied, “No. I didn’t. I only tell Papa and Mama.”

It didn’t begin like this. In the past, he would wanna show off to his friends. But we cultivated a space for him to SHOW OFF to us as his parents. And we poured out affirmations to him without fearing that his head grows too big until it explodes (that’s the traditional Chinese parenting belief).

Now he learnt that he could show off and get recognition from his parents, so that he didn’t need to get recognition from the public.

Jesus was beaten and marred beyond human recognition, so that today, you and I can have the Father’s everlasting recognition. Wanting recognition is only healthy, if it is BEFORE the Father. #fathering101 #identity #recognition

Gospel Sharing

While sending J to school, he told me that he has been sharing Jesus with his classmates.

Yesterday, he led one of them to Christ. Come on!

Transformative Fathering Part 4

God has no grandchildren.

Last night, J didn’t respond despite me calling him a number of times. He was doing his own stuff. If he can’t respond to the voice of his father whom he can see, how would he grow to respond to the voice of the Heavenly Father whom he cannot see? This is serious and hence, I had to discipline him.

I asked him to sit at the reflection corner. At first, he was very reluctant. But I stood firm and said, “Stay there and start speaking in tongues to talk to Jesus.” I sat near him as he did it.

Then I said, “What did Jesus tell you?”

He responded, “Jesus said that I need to listen to Papa and respond.”

I said, “That’s correct.”

But I needed him to encounter His Presence instead of giving me a ‘correct answer’. I’m not interested in what is going on in his mind. I need to see what is going on in his heart and let the Father father his heart.

So I took him on a short journey to encounter the Father, for He is able to discipline my son.

Papa: J, close your eyes now.

J closed his eyes.

Papa: Imagine little pony (his present favourite show) is here. It’s white and pink. Can see you the little pony?

J: Yes!

Papa: Now Jesus is standing beside little pony. He’s wearing white. Can you see Him?

J: Yes. And blue eyes.

Papa: Now Jesus is smiling at you and walking towards you with the little pony. He is stretching out His hands to you. What do you see in His hand?

J: I saw a white thingy with pink jelly. It’s a kind of dessert that we ate before. But I don’t like it.

Papa: Now, open your eyes. J, Jesus is telling you something... sometimes, what Papa and Mama say to you may not be what you like, and you may choose to ignore or don’t want to listen, but what you don’t like now is actually good (sweet) for you.... like Jesus giving you dessert but you don’t like that kind at the moment.

J: Nodded his head and said, “It’s good for me.”

This may be unconventional fathering but I believe that the perfect Father longs to father our child more than us. Jesus! #fathering101

Stewarding The Gift of Learning

His regular routine... NLB. Stewarding the gift of learning.

A baby is born with the gift of learning. It is not taught to learn. It is gifted to learn.

We don’t need to teach children to learn. They naturally want to. That’s how God has designed. On the contrary, if a child doesn’t want to learn, it’s because we ‘teach’ and model to him/her NOT to learn. #fathering101

Partnership & Relationship

Partnership & Relationship

It’s time to get him involved in washing and cleaning the external and internal of the family car. Papa has been doing it weekly and monthly respectively. Now he understands the work that is required and takes responsibility and ownership in it. (And hopefully stops dropping all the crumbs and bits & pieces of snacks in the car.) 

With his help, it took MUCH longer to finish the regular job. It would be so much easier for me to do it on my own. But the process is more important than the outcome. This is why discipleship is a process and it takes you out of your comfort zone. It is easy to preach the Gospel and do signs and wonders, but when it comes to discipleship, we usually run away quickly and say, “Oh this is not my thing.” 

The key focus for J’s involvement is on relationship and partnership with his Papa. Isn’t this the same as the Perfect Father in heaven and us? For God to do something, it’s easy, Godspeed and effortless. He doesn’t need us. Yet He chose us as imperfect vessels to do His work, even though the whole process becomes way slower and the outcome may not be perfect. Papa God involves us because He desires partnership and relationship. What a privilege we have!

J was exhilarated. He couldn’t wait to be involved in this. He found it a privilege and joy to do it.

Check out his proud look at the finished product - clean on the inside and shiny on the outside. Yay Jesus! #responsibility #fathering101 #fromboytoman

Transformative Fathering Part 3

It’s another F&S Day. But it’s one that caused me to reflect way deeper.

Close to 4 years ago, I left full-time church ministry when God spoke deeply into my heart, “Your highest call is to be a father.” I never look back since then. Papa God said, “Lay it down and focus on fathering J in his foundation years.” He was 2 years old. Now he just turns 6.

Working with youths & young adults in the past made me realise the importance of fathering. They don’t need your presents. They need your presence. They need to learn intimacy, identity and authority from us so that we can impart the heart of the Father to their hearts.

2019 is an important year where I felt the Lord speaking to me to focus on preparing J for next year where there will be a huge culture shift for him. He will either enter P1 or skip the MOE system altogether. 

I also felt that it is the time for fathers to rise up and take responsibility for their children —- holistically, and that includes education. It’s time to stop leaving education entirely to mothers and think that it should be the role of the mother, when it is also the role of the father.

Prov 22:6 - Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.

Prov 3:21 - My son, do not lose sight of these— keep sound wisdom and discretion...

These are the words of King Solomon, the wisest king in the Old Covenant. Bear in mind that the one who fathered him was King David. In the Jewish tradition, it was the fathers who were responsible to teach their children. 

In the modern world which we live in, we relegated this to women and focus on our career and external achievements. Achievements will pass away but what is build for eternity will leave a legacy. If we as fathers are heroes to the world but zero to our child, we are STILL a zero. Fathers who pursue achievements and get satisfaction from that usually point to the lack of identity and security in who they are. The Father in heaven has already approved you before you try to prove yourself or get approval from men. Identity comes from knowing that you are a son to begin with. If you don’t know how to rest as a son, you won’t know how to father. Because fathering comes from identity.

Ministry is not just what you do outside. It is also what you do inside —— your own children. In fact, the main criteria for leadership is that your own child honours you.

In the past few years, J had been grounded on identity. He’s now secure in knowing that he is loved. The foundation years seemed to be coming to a close.

This year will encompass a different direction. l’m gonna take him to various adventures, and to see a world that is beyond himself. I have in my mind what to expose him to, because he is ready. He’s not going to be a strawberry generation or a fatherless generation. He’s going to be a bold, courageous and compassionate man as I intentionally prepare him this year to be awakened to the reality of the kingdom.

Fathers, you and I can make a difference. Let’s RISE up and FATHER our children. #fathering101 #transformativefathering

Transformative Fathering Part 2

Transformative Fathering Part 2

The simplicity of fathering is to see a child knowing that he is loved regardless of his performance and behaviour.

Yet in a culture like SG where performance is celebrated and behaviour is tolerated, many parents (including Christian parents) are pressured to pressure their kids - extracurricular (academic) activities begin as young as 1 year old. By the age of 5, the child has probably taken extra (paid) classes for Mandarin, English, Mathematics, and a whole list more, on top of what he’s already learning in Kindergarten.

What kind of values are we building into our child?

The Bible says in Romans 12:2, “Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world...” This encompasses parenting, which I shared in Part 1.

Many parents rush to be parent-volunteers in good schools when the child is 5 years old, hoping to get a place in the school when the child reaches Primary One. Some others rely on ‘networking relationships’ to get their child into the school that they want.

When J was 5, my wife initially said, “We still have membership with this (so-and-so) church. Shall we ask the pastor to help us write a letter to enrol in this (so-and-so) school?”

I prayed about it and told her, “No. We shouldn’t. Let’s not rely on this kind of thing. Let’s not be another ‘kiasu’ (afraid to lose) Christian parent. We need to trust God for J.” My wife actually agreed. What’s ironic is that she’s actually a MOE teacher who has many years of experience in missions school and she had initially desired to place J in a missions school. Thank God for her submission!

So we missed the parent-volunteer thingy. We gave up abusing, I mean... using the ‘networking’ privilege. 

Neither did we put J in ‘this academic class and that academic class’ on top of his pre-school class. We are probably one of the most chilled parents in SG 🤣

I feel for him when he has homework from his pre-school at the age of 5 and 6. I put myself in his shoes and wonder how I would feel if my parents push me to take up classes at the age of 5. Don’t take a child’s answer ‘I like it’ literally. They do not know what is good for them. As parents, you know what is really good and healthy.

If we don’t manage our expectations and stay free from the conformity of our culture, the one who really suffers will be our child. The impact may not be obvious in near future, but it will surface down the road.

Academic results may be the most important thing in our culture but it may be one of the least in the kingdom. I’m not advocating laziness. If we can impart confidence, security, love and every other virtue that is intrinsic, the rest will be taken care of. If we focus on what is extrinsic, the day will come when the outcome will speak for itself. A lot of youth and young adult issues are directly linked to childhood experiences.

Are we raising a champion scholar in the society or a champion warrior in the Kingdom of God? What we focus on is the proof of what we are seeking.

J, at the age of 6, is still hugging my wife and I to sleep. We intend to let him do so, as long as he wants to. Some say that you should cut it off quickly or let him be independent. But I think that such intimacy is more important than independence, because it gives him a glimpse of how he can grow in intimacy with the Father in heaven. When he understands what it means to depend on Him, I’m ready to release him completely.

As believers, it’s time we re-think and re-model parenting, not to the world’s pattern but heaven’s pattern.

P.S: We are really trusting God for J’s education next year. I reckon that if we trust God in one area, we need to apply that in parenting and every other thing too. We cannot compartmentalize Christianity. So pray with us and for us, that we will walk in His wisdom to lead and guide J. #fathering101 #transformativefathering

Transformative Fathering

When I asked the Father how I should father my son as he is growing day by day, He surprised me with Romans 12:2.

"Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world..." It is so rich and so full. 

Do not be conformed even to the pressure and the expectation of this world. 

Do not be conformed to how a 5 (turning 6) years old should act. 

Do not be conformed to my expectations of him. 

Do not be conformed to what the school or teachers require of him.

There is a whole list of 'do not be conformed...'

The child should be given the freedom (within healthy boundaries) and opportunities to explore the world, with complete acceptance and love from the father.

'Train the child the way he should go...' is not about training him according to what you think is correct and wise. It's about training him to know The Way so that The Way will guide him to know the way he should go. (punk intended)

I think society pressure and books on parenting have misrepresented how the Father sees our child. If parenting books work, you don't need the Bible. If other parents' advice work, you don't need Jesus. 

Disclaimer: I'm not saying these are useless. But your child is fearfully, wonderfully and (uniquely) made. And since God has no grandchild, only He can father our child.

Some believe that you must train your child to be diaper-free by certain age. What IF every child grows differently in different areas? What IF your child will mature and outgrow his need for diaper? What IF forcing (aka 'training') your child to be diaper-free indirectly imparts insecurity and a lack of confidence, because you force him to do what he is not ready, and as a result, he fails many times by wetting the bed? I believe that we don't have to conform to the patterns of this world.

J was breastfed from newborn to the age of 4. All thanks to my amazing wife who perseveres powerfully. Many can't handle that. As a result, J continued to latch until the age of 5. At the age of 4, we began to prepare him by communicating to him. It took one year of preparation to speak to him regularly. When he reached 5, he stopped latching altogether. He cried once. And that was it. There was no withdrawal symptom. We have heard of so many stories of how a child suffered due to (forced) weaning.

Some think that it is ridiculous for a male child to latch until he is 5, because he is a boy. That's human wisdom. What IF the child is so secured in his Mummy's love (bosom) that when he grows up, he is not even tempted by lust, because his foundation is already laid?

I challenge all of us (including me) as believers today, not to be conformed any longer to the patterns of this world ---- and don't just think of reaching the world in evangelism... it applies to parenting too. You cannot compartmentalise Christianity. It either applies to ALL AREAS or NONE.

In 2019, there are a number of things I desire to see growth in... and one of them is fathering. A transformative kind. #fathering101