Let Baby Cry?

Many people came to offer good advices when Jeshua was born. They had good intentions which my wife and I really appreciated. However, not every child is the same. Thus, not every principle can be applied to every child.

Jeshua had been a light sleeper since he was born. He still is. He had difficulty sleeping on his own, especially during the first one year. He would cry non-stop unless he was carried on the arms. Only then would he fall asleep soundly.

People with children kept giving us this advice, "Don't keep carrying the baby just because he cries. You will spoil him."

Can a baby be spoilt by love?

One traditional school of thought is to let the baby cry until he learns that he has to sleep on the bed/cot by himself without being carried.

Another school of thought is to carry him whenever he cries.

I supposed both have their strengths and weaknesses.

Facing a dilemma, I asked God what we should be doing and He asked me back, "How do you feel if you are crying out to Me but I don't respond to you and meet your needs?"

"I would feel that You don't love me. I would feel rejected and forsaken."

God the Father used this to illustrate how Jeshua would feel if we let him cry throughout the night.

It was then that I learnt that while parenting principles are good; while experiences from other parents are helpful, what my wife and I need to depend on is really parenting from His presence. It is in His presence that He speaks and shows us how to parent Jeshua, because every child is unique.

I don't always know what to do exactly when it comes to parenting Jeshua. But the wisdom of the Lord is always available for me to tap into as I get into His presence.

Just as the Father lavishes His love upon us, we need to lavish our love upon our child. Too much love won't spoilt a person. It will only transform him. That's what grace is about.

I don't always hear God correctly but I pray that I can hear Him more and more accurately when it comes to parenting Jeshua.

Cheering From Above

Last night, Jeshua brought his building blocks to the master bedroom to play with me.

I helped him establish a layer of base (foundation) before letting him do whatever he wants to the building structure.

Trying to talk (in tongues) and build at the same time, my son tried to develop the structure further with the blocks that he had. It was really hilarious as he was making a lot of baby language (noise) as he passionately slotted in each piece.

After a while, the whole structure didn't seem to resemble any known structure. It didn't make sense to me.

But my immediate response was this... I cheered him, clapped my hands and praised him, "Jeshua, you are so smart! You are a builder! What a beautiful structure!" (And yes, I meant it, because I looked beyond the physical structure and looked into his heart and effort)

I am reminded that this is how God the Father views us and our works. Very often, we look at the outcome of what we do and we beat ourselves down when there seems to be little or no achievement/improvement. It may even appear to be unfruitful or bad in the eyes of others. As a result, we become driven by performance instead of driven by passion.

True success is not based on physical results. That's the worldly view. According to God's perspective, success lies in our heart and effort.

What we do with what we have and how we do with what we have is more important than the result itself.

The outcome may not be the best. We may look at our finished work and think that it's not the best. But God the Father sees the best in us. He looks into our heart and says, "I love your passion!" He sees our effort and says, "Well done! I love it that you are trying!" The phrase "well done" takes on a new meaning that emphasises on the effort rather than the result. 

Whatever the result is, the Father is cheering, clapping and praising us from above! What an affirming Dad we have in Christ!

Sharpening What I Do

After my son played with his toys, I told him to keep as it was time for bed. He obeyed.

Together, I helped him to keep. I simply threw the pieces of mega block into the box from a distance away.

Seeing what I did, my little boy tried to do the same thing. He threw the pieces which he picked up into the box. He was following what his father was doing, but he missed it a few times and the blocks flew over the box. That didn't seem to bother him. Neither did it stop him from doing again. He went on throwing the pieces.

Even though I see God the Father healing the sick, doing miracles and other works (especially in Scriptures) with 100% accuracy and effectiveness, I am still not perfect like Him. Sometimes, I still missed it. There is a need for me to keep sharpening what I am doing. I simply have to keep seeing how He does it and keep doing it. Like my son, failures shouldn't stop me from pressing on.

Carrying His Presence

Last two nights, Jeshua walked to me, held my hand and pulled me with him to the bathroom to bath for him. My heart almost melted. I was overjoyed! He did not just recognise my presence. He literally brought me with him.

In the Old Testament, the presence of God went before the people. In the New Testament, we can carry His presence everywhere we go.

Jeshua was "carrying" my presence to the bathroom. He knew that he needed to take his shower but he also understood that he couldn't do it by himself. He had to depend on me to help him.

It is easy for us to identify our needs and/or what we need to do. Yet the first resource we tap into is usually our human wisdom and abilities. We can even be praying for the Father to help but start using our own strength after we have prayed. We can also acknowledge His presence without drawing from His ability and carrying His presence to where we need to go and what we need to do.

Like a baby depending on his father, we need to know that "apart from God, we can do nothing." (John 15:5) The primary Resource should always be Him.

The answer to our needs and the abilities for what we need to do lie in His presence. If we can carry His presence (or "host His presence" as used by Bill Johnson), we can receive continual help, strength and abilities.

Recognising Presence

From the time Jeshua was born till now, he is unable to sleep through the night. He is a very light sleeper like me. Little movement and sound such as closing the bathroom's door will wake him up. It had been extremely challenging, especially for my wife when she had to breast-feed him and comfort him to sleep.

Thank God it is much better now as he grows older. But two things have not changed.

1) He is still a light sleeper.

2) If mummy is not lying down by his side for some time, he will be able to recognise her absence and he will wake up crying.

Many people will term this as "attachment", which usually happens to a breast-feed baby. Many will also encourage you to break that attachment as early as possible. Well, we have a different perspective.

Anyway, Jeshua is able to recognise the absence or presence of mummy even when he is sleeping. To me, that is simply amazing and powerful! 

A baby can recognise the presence of someone close to him. 

I wonder how much I can recognise the presence of God the Father as compared to a baby's ability to recognise his mummy. I want to be able to recognise the presence of God in my daily life.

A baby doesn't have many distractions in life as compared to an adult. His focus is only one thing - "Mummy can meet all my needs now." There is absolute trust in the ability of his mummy to meet his needs. There is absolute peace when the presence of mummy is there. When mummy is not present, there is fear and uncertainty.

One thing we have to pursue is the One Person who can meet all our needs and gives us divine peace that drives out all of our fear and worries. A baby knows that and practises it. We know that but we don't fully practise it.

It's time to return to the focus of a baby. I want to be so focused at recognising the presence of God in the midst of busyness and distractions.

What Kind Of Imitation

Jeshua has started to imitate the actions of others.

Last night, I stood near his baby mattress (which was standing upright vertically and leaning on the wall) and I started to lean back and forth as though I was dancing.

He came down from our bed and walked to my side and he did the exact thing I was doing, except that he was giggling away.

I am reminded that Jeshua is not going to do what I say, but what I do. He is looking to me to set an example for him to follow.

John 5:19 - "Truly, truly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of Himself, unless it is something He sees the Father doing; for whatever the Father does, these things the Son also does in like manner."

When we follow what we see God the Father is doing, we will only become more and more like Him in love, power and character. When we do what He does, we will only grow unto perfection.

This has to be my purpose for my son. When he follows what he sees me doing, it should only make him become like me. If he is following me and not growing, I have to reflect on my own actions.

The only way for me to exemplify the nature and character of God to my son is to see and do what the Father is doing, because my son will see and do what I am doing.

If I don't follow my Father in heaven, Jeshua won't follow Him.

Help me, Father, to keep my attention and affection on You.

Always Speaking

Sometimes, when I call out to Jeshua, he doesn't respond to me immediately. Most of the time when he didn't seem to hear me, he was distracted with his toys, books or other stuff. This could get me a little frustrated at times. "Jeshua, don't you realise that your father is talking to you?"

It is with this experience that I realised how God the Father has been so patient with me. He is always speaking to me but I am not always listening. Sometimes, I get distracted with my own things at hand and missed what He said. It takes deliberate attention and focus to tune in to what He says.

We have a loving Father. When Jeshua doesn't hear me, I repeat myself to make sure he hears. Similarly, God often repeats Himself to make sure that we hear Him. Nevertheless, we should not take Him for granted. Delayed obedience is not obedience.

I have to train my son to hear me and act promptly. If he doesn't obey me promptly, he will do the same to God the Father in future.

Letting Go Doesn't Mean Forsaking

Today, Jeshua refused to let me hold his hand when he walked in the mall. I kept trying to hold his hand in the midst of the crowd but he used his left hand to force me let go of mine.

I can't imagine a 17 months old toddler wanting to be independent. It's obvious that he doesn't have the ability to do so.

Yet one of the traits of being a loving father is to let go and let a child experience freedom of choices. Forcing a child to do what he doesn't want will only produce a rule-abiding child who has no genuine passion (No, I'm not talking about discipline here.)

As he insisted to walk by his own, I let him go. But I had to walk behind him to ensure that he was doing fine. I was waiting for the moment when he would stretch out his arm and asked me to hold him or carry him. Sometimes, he does it. Sometimes, he doesn't. Whether he does it or not, I'm always ready to stretch out my arm to hold him.

This speaks of how often we tend to think that we have the ability to stay independent of God the Father. We focus on what we want so much that we ignore the leading of God. We let go of His hand and choose our own way.

But He is a loving Father. Though we let go of Him, He never let go of us. He is walking behind us, ensuring that we do not fall so deep that we can't get up again. His arms are ever ready to embrace us. His hands are always stretched out, waiting for us to hold onto Him.

When we walk down the wrong path, it is not that God doesn't care. It is us who chose to be independent and let go of His hands. The moment we stretch out our hand, He grabs hold of it. He says, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."

We may let go of Him but He doesn't forsake us. What a loving Father we have!

Does God Care About His Reputation?

We brought Jeshua for a haircut yesterday at City Square Mall. As we were queuing for his turn, my wife went to buy wet wipes and stickers.

While waiting for Carol to return from the ladies, I took out the stickers for him to play. As expected, he pasted a few of them on my face. When Carol came back, she laughed at what Jeshua did to my face. She said, "You look funny with the stickers on your face. People might laugh at you."

I replied, "For son's sake, I am not going to bother about how people might look at me."

As a father, I'm willing to risk my reputation as long as my son enjoys my presence. I think this speaks so much about our loving Father in heaven. Very often, we think that God is very concerned with His reputation. We want to make sure that His name is not tarnished by the way(s) we relate to Him.

The truth is... God is totally able to handle His own name and reputation more than we ever think or imagine. He places love as priority over His reputation. He is love (1 John 4:8).

If He is willing to go to the extreme to send us His only Son Jesus to die on the Cross to reveal His love, how much more will He not do to express His love for us?

God is not concerned with His reputation when we laugh, cry, shout, jump, or roll on the floor in response to His love. He is not concerned with His reputation when gold dust, gemstones, object-sticking phenomenon, angel's feathers, etc. appear in the midst of worship. He is not concerned with His reputation when we lay hands on the sick and people don't get healed. 

What He is really concerned with is that we simply enjoy His presence as His children. That puts a huge smile on His face.

Thank You, Father, for Your love never fails to amaze me. Reputation is not what You are concerned with. Relationship is.

Faith That Explores

It is such a joy to witness the growth of my baby boy, from the time he came out of his mummy's womb to the time he started flipping to his side, crawling on the floor and now walking/running around.

As I observed his growth, I noticed that he was most excited when he started to walk. It was also a period when he failed the most as he kept falling.

Each time after he fell, he would get up immediately to try walking again. To him, it was a newly discovered ability. He was totally elated each time he walked.

As I reflected on this, it struck a chord in me. This is what faith is. Faith is about active exploration. My son explored his new found ability. The moment he walked for the first time in his life, he knew that he could never be satisfied with simply crawling around.

He would not give failure (when he kept falling) an excuse to stop him from practising what he had explored.

This is a reminder for me in two areas.

1) Keep exploring new grounds

There are new grounds in the kingdom which I have yet to venture into. I am not satisfied with my current experiences. There is always MORE! I'm excited for MORE!

2) Practice makes permanent

When God gives us a gift, we need to keep practising/using it until it becomes permanent. Sometimes, we may meet failures. But failure is not an excuse to stop going after what is possible.

My son's motivation and excitement to get up and walk again after falling shows me that his focus is always on what is possible (and what has successfully happened) rather than what is happening now.

I'm motivated and excited to keep healing the sick even when some don't get well. My focus has to be on what is possible (nothing is impossible for God) and what has successfully happened - testimonies of healing and miracles.

There are so much things I could learn from my son. Thank You Jesus.

Whose Responsibility

My son has come to understand certain words, actions and language that I use.

But this doesn't come instantly. It took an effort from my part to keep repeating and making sure that he understood what I said.

Notice, it is my responsibility as a father to ensure that he understands what I say. Similarly, God the Father ensures that we hear His voice by speaking in a way that we, as His children, will understand.

We don't have to try so hard to hear His voice. We can trust Him as our loving Father to speak to us in a way that we understand. God's ability to be heard is much greater than our ability to hear Him.

Bill Johnson puts it this way, "God takes the responsibility to be heard whenever He finds someone who desires to hear. The heart to hear is more important than our ability to hear."

Silent But Active Protection

Recently, my wife, Jeshua and I were walking around the toy section at a shopping mall. Jeshua wanted to come down and walked by his own.

He was literally walking around, doing his own shopping as he excitedly saw the toys. As his focus was simply on the fun and exhilaration, he almost knocked onto a few sharp/dangerous objects.

As a father, I kept walking behind him, ensuring his safety and preventing him from knocking onto the dangerous objects. At times, I even lifted the objects so that his head didn't hit against them as he walked. 

What I did was simply to shield him from danger; and he didn't even know and realise what I was doing for him.

I came to realise that God our Father has been protecting us and shielding us from many dangers that we do not know. When things seem to be smooth sailing in our lives, or when nothing bad/significant is happening, we tend to think that God isn't active in our lives. But we almost fail to recognise that He is actively walking near us and lifting the dangerous "objects" from our lives so that we are protected.

God may seem silent, but He is always actively involved in our lives, whether we see it or not.

Thank You for protecting me daily. When nothing is happening, it is a proof that You are working for my good.

Delighting In My Son

I still remember the moment when Jeshua was born on 5 Jan 2013. To say that I was overjoyed is simply an understatement.

I was so delighted in him that I kept looking at him. My mind was occupied with him. Even while trying to catch a wink, I would see his face the moment I closed my eyes.

He was just born at that time. He hadn't done anything that I should be proud of. He couldn't even do a single thing for me. But I simply delighted in him greatly.

This is what the Father felt what He declared in Matthew 3:17 - "This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased." Jesus had not started His ministry, but God the Father delighted in Him for who Jesus is, not for what Jesus has or has not done.

It's easy to delight in our child when he is a baby or toddler. But as our child grows up, we tend to fall into the performance trap. We show our delight in our child only when he performs well in academic, sports, behaviour, etc. This is going to destroy his true identity in the long run.

May I always be delighted over him, simply because he is my son.

Redefining "Good"

Fathering has taught me so many things about the heart of God our Father. It is with this passion and desire to know Him more that I have decided to start this blog and journal what I have learnt about Him through fathering, as well as how I can father my son with the heart of God.

One of the key things is to re-define the common word we often use - "good". I notice that many people, including me (in the early stage of fathering) love to say to our children - "You are such a good boy because you did this..."

Well, if God the Father defines "good" based on what Christ has done and not based on what we have or have not done, then we should be consistent in teaching our children what "good" really means.

I have realised that I need to increase my vocabulary to praise my son when he behaves well. He is always good whether he behaves well or not. He is good because God sees him as good.

Today, my son returned the toys to their original storage in the cry room at Living Hope Methodist Church. I said this to him - "Jeshua, you are such a responsible boy."

Let's continue to increase our vocabulary when praising our children instead of simply saying, "You are so good today."